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18 June 2007 @ 09:20 pm
Q and A (30 Evil Deeds: Gin)  
Title: Q and A
Author: Candyland
Fandom: Detective Conan
Bad Guy: Gin
Theme: #2—paper clip
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Own Detective Conan, I do not. Own the characters, Gosho Aoyama does. Making money off them, I am not. Borrow and write about them, I merely do. Talk like Yoda, I must.
Summary: Apparently, being a murderer involves a lot of paperwork. Who knew?



One wouldn’t think that being a top assassin in a monstrously large crime syndicate would involve so much paperwork. But amazingly enough, it did. It REALLY did.

Gin loved killing, he truly did. He loved using his trusty handgun to blow away unsuspecting victims. It gave him a rush like nothing else. And truthfully, he knew that the paperwork served a purpose—he was proud of his record within the Syndicate, and it was somewhat gratifying to see it spelled out like that. But overall, he would just as soon have done without.

Sighing (and feeling the overwhelming urge to shoot something), he bowed his head to the required forms and went about getting them filled out. The sooner this was done, the better.

Codename: Gin

Reason for filing: Murder

Business or pleasure? Business


For some reason, that question never failed to amuse him.

Describe the incident in detail: I approached the target from behind and fired one shot into his head, using a silencer. Target was killed instantly—mission accomplished with a minimum of mess.

Any witnesses to the mission? A small baby in a stroller across the street seemed to have seen the shooting. Witness reacted by sucking on its pacifier and drooling.

Actions taken to deal with witness(es): None. Even I have standards. Judging by the screaming when the brat dropped the pacifier, it can’t talk anyway.

As a Syndicate, we value your opinions. What recommendations do you have for making your missions of Evil and Chaos more enjoyable? Get rid of the goddamn paperwork.


That was the end of that one. Now, the health form…

Were you injured/killed in the course of your mission?: No.


Gin didn’t understand that question. He privately wondered if Vermouth had written these things.

Have you experienced any twitches, tremors in your firing hand, or any other symptoms that may hinder your ability to perform missions in the future? No.

Have you experienced any guilt, second thoughts, or ideas about going to the police? Please note that answering “yes” will not immediately cause your execution, but may be taken into consideration in deciding your future with the Syndicate: No.

Any unrelated health concerns you feel we should be aware of: If you must know, my hair has been far less shiny as of late. I am very distraught over this, though as yet it has not impeded my ability to mercilessly kill any targets I am given.

Comments? LOSE THE PAPERWORK. We could be out killing people.

I hereby acknowledge that the above information is true to the best of my knowledge, and that I may be executed if it is found to be untrue, regardless of whether I know of the untruths or not. I also acknowledge that the Syndicate has the right to order my termination for any reason that they see fit, fair or not, with or without notification of my impending death. My remains will be dealt with as the Syndicate sees fit, and my death will be officially listed as an accident. I am perfectly okay with this.


Gin sighed his code-name to the form, paper-clipped everything together, and place it in the appropriate file. It would be examined later by a one of the Syndicate leaders, and his personal record would be updated accordingly.

He sat back in the desk chair and sighed.

He. HATED. Paperwork.

And he was still relatively convinced that Vermouth was behind this. Somehow. She had to be.

…now he REALLY wanted to go kill someone.



PS. …okay, I wish you could all see my notebook, where I hand-wrote this. And all over the margins and empty spaces I have scribbled things like “This sucks!” and “This was funnier my head!” But I’m posting it anyway because for some reason the idea continues to amuse me, even if I’m not a hundred percent sure about my execution of the idea.

Thanks for reading, all! Much love!


 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired
 
 
 
magic_truth: Ticked Offmagic_truth on June 19th, 2007 06:06 am (UTC)
This was great! I even came up with the idea of Vermouth putting together these forms. It's something she would do.

Me too! I always think it sounded funnier in my head.
Candyland: CCS1 [Need a vacation]candyfics on June 19th, 2007 01:39 pm (UTC)
Thanks! :D I actually didn't have the idea of it being Vermouth's handiwork until I was typing it up from the handwritten. So I just stuck it in there ^^;;

Most of the time I'm pretty pleased with how things come up, but for some reason with this one I just couldn't quite shake that feeling of "This could have been better." But I went back and reread it today and found that feeling sort of fading :3
M.O.N.A.: Good Morning?-Cran_mouri82 on June 23rd, 2007 12:40 am (UTC)
3 reasons to celebrate:

1) You updated 30 Evil Deeds!!! Yay!

2) The idea of Gin filling out rediculous forms makes me smile. It's oddly true to life.

3) LOLWTFROFLLMAOBBQ!

Srsly, no need to fret. This was delicious crack, so please keep serving it up!
Candyland: DC4 [Gin--Blonde Hair of EVIL]candyfics on June 26th, 2007 03:15 am (UTC)
1) *laugh* Yeah, I've sort of been neglecting this challenge in favor of all the others...but I'm trying to remember to update it more. I even have two more plunnies for it! TWO! ...both also crack-tastic >_>;;

2) Well, they do mention a database when Sherry first comes around...which is actually something that has been bugging me for a while (read that as "potential plunnie"). If there's a database...and Shinichi got ahold of it...Gin = toast?

3) ZOMGWTFBBQLIEKWHOA!! :D :D :D

I swore to myself that I would at least try to manage some serious fics in the course of this challenge...but it feels like all my ideas are cracky crack that is made of crack ^^;;
M.O.N.A.: Good Morning?-Cran_mouri82 on June 27th, 2007 10:38 am (UTC)
And why not crack? A challenge like 30 Evil Deeds sounds like it tends toward either crack, angst, or both. The Hugs, Ways, Kisses, etc. seem best fit for romance, since I can't picture Gin getting romantic with anybody. -.- Evilly.

If you want an angsty or serious idea, though . . . how about an introspective fic? Like his being taken down by Shin'ichi or ordering Kir to shoot Akai, for example.

Of course, I'd love to see a crack fic where Gin tries to find Sherry, but asks around to people who all give stupid answers, enters a room just after Ai leaves or otherwise phails.
Dagron a.k.a. Nat': Gin hates you - die!dagronrat on July 2nd, 2007 09:17 pm (UTC)
Signed, not sighed. XD

Also? *Snerk.* Much love. Glad to see Gin shares the universal hate of paperwork we all do. ♥

*I think this icon describes our favourite killer's feelings. :cD*
Candyland: DC12 [Haibara]candyfics on July 3rd, 2007 03:23 pm (UTC)
*smacks self at typo*

I hate paperwork, you hate paperwork, we ALL hate paperwork! :D Thanks!
marsdejahthorismarsdejahthoris on July 6th, 2007 12:58 pm (UTC)
*dies* Oh god, this is TOO good. Love it. And yes, Vermouth would totally do something like that... On a serious note, anything as big as the Black Org probably DOES have a lot of paperwork going around, but... not like this.

marsdejahthorismarsdejahthoris on July 6th, 2007 01:00 pm (UTC)
Aggh, I almost forgot! This totally reminds me of the old Transformers cartoon episode "Webworld." Galvatron, leader of the Decepticons, is stark raving nuts, so Cyclonus, his long-suffering second, takes him to a planet of shrinks... Galvatron keeps wrecking the treatment methods and Cyclonus has to keep filling out paperwork because of it. It's hilarious.
Candyland: DC11 [Toichi]candyfics on July 9th, 2007 02:46 am (UTC)
...gads, I can't remember any Transformers episodes ;o; But I wanna see the movie!! *pets childhood*
Candyland: DC06 [Heiji-Shinichi: Young and aggressicandyfics on July 9th, 2007 02:45 am (UTC)
O.O You wrote "An Unprofessional Opinion"!!! I love those fics!

... *koffahem*

Thank you very much! And I know this is probably nothing at all like what the Black Ops really have going on, but...the idea just amused me of Gin, Mass Murderer of Evil, hunched over a desk :3
marsdejahthoris: Detective Conanmarsdejahthoris on July 9th, 2007 07:16 pm (UTC)
Squee, Jimmy Buffet icon!