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22 March 2007 @ 03:45 pm
I Wish You to the Cornfield, ch. 6 (DBZ)  
Title: I Wish You to the Cornfield
Fandom: Dragonball Z
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor (read that as CRACK)
Publish Date: 10/29/2002 to 1/5/2003
Disclaimer: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I do not own DBZ.



The Z senshi followed Candyland down a long, wide room with a dozen or so long tables set up in it, and glass cases filled with pictures and trophies decorating the walls. Every few feet, they would have to move around a garbage can. There were students seated at random intervals at the tables; many of them gave Candyland and her little troupe strange looks as they moved by.

"This is called the commons," the author commented offhandedly. "They hold the dances and a few pep assemblies and stuff here. It’s also the lunch room—"

"Lunch?" Goku’s ears all but perked up at the mention of a meal.

Candyland ignored him. As they reached the far end of the room, she stopped walking and turned to look at the Z gang. "You guys are gonna hafta hang out here for the period. I’m tutoring, and it’s hard enough to keep the two kids I tutor focused on their work all period without a whole bunch of strange people hanging around. So I want you to sit at that table and behave yourselves until next period. I’ll be back out at 10:04 when the bell rings. Understood?"

Vegeta snorted. "Why should we?"

"Because," the author replied calmly, shooting a glance at Bulma and ChiChi, "I give Bulma and ChiChi free rein with their frying pans. You screw up, you get smacked with a nice heavy cast-iron cooking tool. Capeesh, Veggie Boy?"

While the two women all but started dancing in place, the Saiyan Prince—and everyone else, for that matter—looked quite disgruntled at the not-so-subtle threat. Confident that things would be kept under control, Candyland walked a few more feet and disappeared into a door marked ‘Counseling Center,’ leaving the bewildered Z crew to their own devices, under the watchful eyes and heavy frying pans of the formidable Bulma and ChiChi.

Boredom quickly set in, and they all began to talk amongst themselves. Piccolo chose to seperate himself somewhat from the group, and was hovering over by the wall, meditating. At one point, Goten and Trunks tried to sneak off and explore, but they were quickly spotted by Gohan, and their plans were foiled. In another instant, Goku and Vegeta came within a hair of getting into a sparring match in the middle of the room Candyland had called the commons. It took many threats from the frying pans to get the two Saiyans to calm down and sit back down again.

"ChiChi, I’m hungry!" Goku whined.

"But you ate that whole mountain of popcorn!" ChiChi protested, fuming over the actions of her younger son. "You’re going to have to wait, Goku."

"Awww!" he groaned, then got up and started walking in a circle beside the table. "I’m bored. What time did she say she would be back out here?"

"Just after ten. That’s still ten minutes away," Krillen replied. "So just keep cool. The wait’s almost over. I wonder where we’ll go next."

Eighteen shrugged. She really didn’t care. She just wanted to go home. Master Roshi was babysitting Marron, and the android didn’t want to leave her daughter in the care of that pervert for any longer than was absolutely necessary.

Suddenly, Goku stopped pacing and his jaw dropped. "Food!"

"Oh no," Gohan muttered, putting his head in his hands.

Son Goku had spotted the vending machines.

Two filled with a variety of snack foods and candy, four filled with nice cold bottles of soda pop.

Goku pressed his face up against the glass of one of the fooding vending machines and started whimpering. "Do you think Candyland would let us get something to eat?"

Vegeta just snorted. "Kakarott, you baka! That girl’s trouble, I tell you. She’s out to ruin our lives. I don’t trust that brat at all."

"You don’t have to trust her, Vegeta, but she’s the only one who can get us back home," Videl pointed out matter-of-factly. "So try and be nice so she will write us back home, okay?"

Vegeta groaned and Vegeta grumbled, but in the end, Vegeta grudgingly agreed.

Meanwhile, everyone had stopped paying attention to Goku’s activities, and the hungry Saiyan was taking full advantage of the fact. A small ki blast did the trick, and the vending machines were destroyed. Bottles of pop and packages of Pop-Tarts, candy bars, and other assorted food and beverage items were scattered across the tile floor.

All hell broke loose as all the Saiyans attacked the food, getting into a wrestling match with several teenagers who braved the fray to get their hands on some of that wonderful food and glorious caffeinated beverage. After all, caffeine was the most important object in any normal teenager’s diet.

People came flooding into the commons, up to and including Candyland, who clapped her hands over her mouth in horror. "What are you doing?!?" she shrieked from behind her hands.

Meanwhile, Bulma and ChiChi descended upon the Saiyans with the wrath of God. The Almighty Frying Pans of Doom swung, and much screaming ensued.

A dull roar went up among the student body at the display. Candyland’s hands dropped to her sides in helplessness as a voice caught her attention from nearby. "Hey!"

"Fred, I don’t know what to do!" the author looked down at the brawl. "It’s only second period!"

"Well, I think Bulma and ChiChi have things under control," Fred replied.

Candyland looked down. There were expletives coming out of that group sufficient to take the paint off a wall at one hundred feet. She put her hands over her eyes. Maybe if I just close my eyes, they’ll disappear. Yeah right. Fat chance.

"HEY!" Candyland screeched in her best stop-a-mob-at-full-roar voice. The commons immediately went silent, and the people thrashing around on the floor fell still, looking up at her with wide, somewhat frightened eyes.

Just then, the bell rang. The masses instantly began jostling and running into each other, trying to get to their next classes.

Suppressing the urge to strangle each and every one of them, Candyland growled through clenched teeth, "Get up. Next class. Now." With that, she turned on her heel and stormed down the hallway, with the wary Z senshi scrambling along behind her.

 
 
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