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22 March 2007 @ 08:29 pm
I Wish You to the Cornfield, ch. 11 (DBZ)  
Title: I Wish You to the Cornfield
Fandom: Dragonball Z
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor (read that as CRACK)
Publish Date: 10/29/2002 to 1/5/2003
Disclaimer: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I do not own DBZ.



I’m going to die, Candyland decided, dropping her backpack and purse on the floor and falling onto the loveseat in the living room. The Z senshi followed her in, looking around in awe and bewilderment at the strange setup of the house around them.

"If you guys blow anything up or destroy anything before Kathy gets here, I will do worse than kill you," the author announced, her voice somewhat muffled due to the fact that her face was buried in a couch cushion. "I will write away all of your powers, and then I’ll put you in a Pokèmon story, and I will make absolutely certain that Pikachu kicks all of your butts. Then I will get Fred the Mutant Pickle to write a sequel to Dragonball Zeros. Then I will write you into a neverending opera, completely with screechy, off-pitch soprano. Comprende?"

After deciphering the muffled words, the fighters unanimously agreed. "So what are we gonna do until this friend of your shows up?" Bulma asked.

"Keep yourselves occupied. I really don’t have anything for you to do."

Piccolo, meanwhile, had wandered over to a sliding glass door at the back of the house, and had stepped out onto the porch, where he proceeded to resume his meditation. Peace and quiet at last.

ChiChi and Bulma meandered into the kitchen, and after a brief search, located the cupboard which held the Almighty Frying Pans. The two women sat on the floor and examined the pans lovingly, nearly turning green with envy at the sight of a large, heavy skillet with a nice glass lid. It was the Kami of all frying pans—it even had a nonstick surface!

Videl discovered a room with a computer in a back bedroom, and with a little help from Candyland, went online. But she managed to stumble onto a Dragonball Z site, and spent the next hour trying to make heads or tails out of it.

Krillen fell asleep on the couch in the family room, while Eighteen just sat down and looked around. She was bored, but there was nothing really interesting to do.

Gohan, who still had the copy of Native Son that the crazy blonde lady had given him, opted to sit down and finish reading it. He spent the next hour completely absorbed in the book.

The kids, for some reason, followed Krillen’s example and zonked out on the family room floor. It was incredibly adorable, but for some unknown reason, it made the author very nervous. The chibis were never, ever that quiet!

Candyland’s patience nearly went out the window concerning Goku and Vegeta, though. The two Saiyans simply could not sit still. They wanted to spar! And somehow, the author knew that if those two tried to have a sparring match, her house could very well end up demolished, most likely accompanied by most of her neighborhood and half the city. Finally, she got them both to calm down by introducing them to a very cool idea—Nintendo 64.

More specifically, Super Smash Brothers.

Ah, the wonders of competition.

The two Saiyans immediately launched into the Super Smash Bros. tournament of the century, having been warned that if anything happened to the machine, it would come out of their hides. And so Candyland was left to her own thoughts. Most of which were nervous, paranoid fantasies of Saiyans flying around over her city and buildings being blown up.

Finally, an hour later, the doorbell rang. Candyland got up and left the room, where Vegeta and Goku were having an argument as to who had *really* won the last fight. Vegeta insisted that there was no possible way for Goku’s Jigglypuff to beat Vegeta’s Link, and Goku insisted that it was very possible. His cute little Jigglypuff had put Link to sleep, and then had simply thrown him off the platform. But Vegeta was fuming. Saiyan Princes always won at Super Smash Brothers!

The author flung open the door to greet her friend—a petite blonde with wide blue eyes carrying a backpack and a load of books. "Thank God you’re here! If you didn’t have early out today, I don’t know what I would have done! I’m gonna go crazy!"

"Let’s see what we can do," Kathy stepped inside, dropped her stuff, and eyed the situation. "Oh good grief...how the heck did you pull this off?"

"I didn’t know they would end up here!" Candyland protested. "We have to figure out what to do about it. They need to be written back into their own place, and right now, I don’t have time to sit down and figure this out. Homework, dinner, and show choir rehearsal tonight. I’ll be lucky if I get time to sleep!"

"I know, I know, I’m in show choir too," Kathy replied. "And I have plenty of homework too. Do you think you can put up with them until tomorrow?"

"If I lock them in the shed overnight, maybe."

"Okay, do whatever."

"The biggest problem I can see," Candyland sighed, "is actually show choir. I can’t miss practice, but I can’t leave these guys by themselves with my parents and my sister. Something will happen, I just know it. And I’ll be in huge, huge trouble. So I’m gonna hafta take them to practice with me."

"Oh no!" Kathy groaned, pressing a hand to her forehead. "Well...we are running short of people. It’s flu season, and everyone’s sick."

"The tuberculosis choir again," Candyland agreed. "Nobody can sing because of sore throats, clogged sinuses, and bad coughs. Welcome to the world of the Headliners."

"Maybe it’ll be okay."

"Yeah, maybe. Just like the vending machines were fine second period."

"Oh yeah, that."

"You heard?"

"Um, I think everybody knows about that."

"Crap."

"Hey, it’s not that bad. Really, it could be worse," Kathy said cheerfully. Candyland gave her fellow teenager a look that could have frozen water, and Kathy noticed. "Well, um, we’ve both got homework, right? Let’s get that done first, and then we’ll figure out what we’re gonna do about these guys. Sound good?"

"Okay..."

The two teens wandered into the kitchen, where Gohan had made himself quite comfortable and was happily reading. He lifted his eyes as the girls entered and plunked down into chairs beside the table.

"Hey, what’s up?" he asked conversationally. "You two look sad enough to make my Dad depressed. Problem?"

"Yeah, and I hate to tell you this, but it’s you guys," Candyland replied unhappily. "Maybe not you specifically, but for God’s sake, Gohan, your father blew up our school’s vending machines, and our chances of getting new ones are approximately equal to a snowball’s chance in hell. I’m probably going to get fined for the book that Trunks set on fire. Plus, you guys knocked out a bunch of band people, chased our choir director out of the room with a machine gun, just generally made spectacles of yourselves in front of the entire student body, and I still have a rehearsal to go to tonight. Are you seeing my frustration here?"

"I understand," Gohan nodded. "But I don’t think we like it any more than you do. At least, I know I don’t! I wanna go home."

"Well, we’re gonna do our homework, have supper, and then tackle that problem. Deal?" Kathy dropped her rather sizable pile of books onto the table.

"What do you have for homework?" Gohan asked, setting his book down and listening while both girls rattled off their various assignments.

"Want some help?" he asked amiably. Upon affirmation, the three teenagers got to work.

-o-


"Psst! Goten!" Trunks hissed. He’d woken up a few minutes ago on a nice soft carpet in what looked like someone’s living room. After a few minutes of wracking his memory, he remembered that they’d gone to Candyland’s house. Now he was trying desperately to wake up his best friend.

But for some reason, Goten just wasn’t cooperating. He just rolled over and went back to sleep.

"Oh brother..." Trunks thought for a minute, then grinned, leaned down, and whispered into Goten’s ear. "Hey Goten...it’s dinnertime."

The second word was barely out of his mouth before the dark-haired chibi was all of a sudden very much awake. "Food? Where?"

Trunks groaned and sat up. "Forget about it. Let’s check this place out!"

"Oh...okay!" Goten allowed himself to be led by his best friend. The two children tiptoed through the kitchen, somehow managing to avoid being seen by everyone. They weren’t quite sure how that miracle came to be, but they weren’t going to argue. Around the corner by the refrigerator, they found a staircase leading down to a dimly-lit basement. Now, a dimly lit basement usually meant many opportunities to create mayhem and chaos, and those two devilish demi-Saiyans weren’t about to pass up an opportunity to make trouble! Together, they snuck down the stairs, finding themselves in a large room with a cement floor. Several recliners, end tables, and a couch were arranged around the room.

"Whoa..." Goten looked around. "Hey, look!"

The chibi was pointing at a door with several pictures taped to it. Trunks looked at the door for a second before offering his verdict. "Let’s check it out."

"Yeah!"

Slowly, the chibis pushed the door open and peered inside. It was a very messy bedroom; there were clothes and stuff everywhere. "Wow..." they both said.

The two children tiptoed in, closing the door behind them, and began looking around at all the various things in the room. There was all sorts of weird items in there. At least, weird for two children of the DBZ universe. It was Goten who found the CD player on the floor by the bed. After twisting a few dials, he pushed a big round button...and music—very loud music—began playing.

"NOTHING IS AN ACCIDENT...WE ARE FREE TO HAVE IT ALL...WE ARE WHAT WE WANT TO BE...IT’S IN OURSELVES TO RISE OR FALL...THIS IS EASY TO BELIEVE...WHEN DISTANT PLACES CALL TO ME..."

"AHHHH!" Goten shrieked, clasping his hands over his sensitive Saiyan ears at the noise.

Across the room, Trunks, who was peering into a closet, did the same. "Goten, what did you do?"

"Nothing!" the dark-haired chibi protested, but both were silenced when loud thumps were heard on the ceiling above. "Uh-oh..."

The thumps moved over them, then seemed to come from the wall beside them, until finally the clatter of shoes on the concrete floor outside before the door was flung open. A very angry author was standing there, flanked by two very angry mothers and a very amused friend.

"What...are...you...doing...?" Candyland growled, taking two steps into the room.

The chibis cowered by the closet door. "N-n-n-nothing! Honest!" Trunks whimpered, slightly embarassed that he was so afraid of this...this woman, this author. Oh, if his father saw him now...he’d never hear the end of it...

From above them came some loud yelling. "I have defeated you, Kakarott!" "No way! You cheated!" "The Saiyan Prince will dominate!" Some slightly muffled thumps came next, followed by a loud crash and more yelling.

Candyland whirled around and screamed at the ceiling. "Everything had better be in one piece up there or you know what I’ll do to you!"

Silence.

"I think I’ll go check it out," the author muttered, storming out of the room and up the stairs. Kathy followed close behind, snickering at her friend, ignoring Candyland’s request for her to shut up. This left the two chibis to their mothers.

ChiChi took the initiative. "Okay, you two. What in the name of Kami did you think you were doing?" she demanded angrily.

"We were just looking around..." Goten answered meekly.

Bulma stepped in then. "Upstairs. Now."

The children didn’t need to be told twice. They dashed up the stairs just in time to see Candyland and Kathy arguing with Goku and Vegeta over the TV. Of course, the teenagers won and took seats, having turned off the N64 and changed the channel.

"TV time!" Candyland chirped happily.

"What are we watching?" Gohan sat down next to them. He’d finished the book, so he had nothing to do at the moment.

"Umm...you’ll see," the author replied. "Ooo...I can’t wait!"

Seconds later, an opening to a TV show flashed across the screen. The characters all stared in confusion at the images. Finally, a voice began speaking.

"On the last episode of Dragonball Z, it was Vegetto versus Majin Buu..."

"What the..." Vegeta growled in disbelief. "That...what the..."

"Wow! Hey look, Vegeta! That’s us!" Goku said cheerfully, pointing towards the screen. "How did they know about our fusion? And Buu too?"

"Weird..." Bulma muttered. "Hey! Where’s Videl?"

"Oh, she’s in the computer room," Candyland replied without taking her eyes from the screen. "Just go down the hall. You’ll find her."

Gohan immediately took off in search of Videl, while ChiChi began murmuring happily about weddings and grandchildren. Everyone else just shook their heads at the woman’s maunderings and watched the television screen with befuddled interest. After all, this was them.

"Hey, guys, Gohan said I had to see—whoa!" Videl came around the corner and stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of the onscreen images. "Hey! That’s us!"

"Yeah, we know," Eighteen muttered as Piccolo stepped inside. The Namekian looked at the screen, blinked, and walked right back out onto the porch, muttering something about everyone being insane. No one chose to contest that viewpoint.

"Oh man," Gohan muttered under his breath. "What else could happen today?"

"Just you wait, Gohan," Candyland apparently heard him and replied. "We’ve still got another rehearsal to go to tonight. Show choir. I think you’ll find it most interesting."