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22 March 2007 @ 08:50 pm
I Wish You to the Cornfield, ch. 16 (DBZ)  
Title: I Wish You to the Cornfield
Fandom: Dragonball Z
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor (read that as CRACK)
Publish Date: 10/29/2002 to 1/5/2003
Disclaimer: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I do not own DBZ.



When the shed doors parted after about seven eternities, the Z senshi groaned in agony. The mean sunlight was piercing their haven of darkness. The strange assortment of fighters, friends, and family members were draped all over the place.

From where Candyland was standing, it didn’t look very comfortable in there. "Uh, guys? You can come out now if you want. My parents and my sister are gone."

One by one, the mighty Z warriors—the people who had faced such beings as Frieza, Cell, and Majin Buu—physically dragged themselves out of the wooden shed and into the yellow sunlight and crisp, cool morning air. It was a typical morning for this time of year—very cool, but later on the temperature would undoubtedly climb to somewhere in the fifties or sixties for a very pleasant afternoon.

Ah, the beauty of Iowa autumn.

They all sprawled out in the grass, which was covered in early-morning dew. Above them, the last faint colors of dawn were fading from what was becoming a clear blue sky, dotted sparsely with clean white clouds. A gentle breeze rustled the red and gold leaves hanging from the trees.

Ah, the beauty of Iowa autumn.

Several unprintable curse words floated up from the anime characters, describing a few positions that Candyland had previously thought were anatomically impossible.

Ah, the beauty of Iowa autumn.

"Guys, listen up," the author announced. "I have to go to school, and after yesterday’s escapades, I came to the conclusion that taking you with me again is not a good idea." Sounds of vague agreement. "So it is with a very nervous, very heavy heart that I announce you guys are on your own for today." Trunks sat straight up, looking as if he was about to start celebrating, but Candyland’s next words shot that into the dust. "And those threats I made last night? They still stand."

The chibi fell backwards again, muttering something under his breath.

She ignored him, and continued. "I have early out, but I have a college class to go to today. I’ll be home at two. There’s a pep assembly back up at the high school, and then Kathy and Fred and I are going to get to work on sending you guys home. For all of our sakes."

"You mean it?!?" Gohan asked, lifting his head to look at her mournfully.

"Yup. We already started," she held up a piece of paper with a few lines scribbled at the top in big, loopy cursive. "They’re coming over after the pep assembly to finish so all of us can return to however normal our lives can be considered."

The Z senshi were beyond relieved. In fact, Goku even made up a song, which he entitled, "I’m Going Home!" After about eight verses (all of which were exactly the same, and had only three words—I’m going home), Vegeta started twitching, and the author thought it wise to ask Son to...well...shut up.

"What day is it?" Bulma asked, blatantly changing the subject.

"Friday," Candyland replied. "Thank God."

"What’s God?" Videl queried, looking suspicious. ‘God’ was whatever that song they’d been singing in choir was about. Whatever this ‘God’ thing was, judging from those song lyrics, it/he/she was incredibly powerful.

"According to the principles of Christianity, God is an all-powerful deity. But a nice one. Our world’s equivalent of Kami," the author replied.

"Oh," Videl nodded, sort of understanding.

"Is that all?" Candyland looked at the Z senshi, all of whom were still sprawled out in the grass. "Okay, I gotta get to school. Don’t make trouble, or you know what’ll happen to you." With that, she turned and strolled out of the backyard, muttering to herself. "I know I’m gonna regret this, I know I’m gonna regret this..." Fortunately, only Piccolo’s overly sensitive Namekian hearing was capable of overhearing the teenager’s murmuring.

He shook his head sadly. For everyone’s sake, I really hope she doesn’t regret it.

-o-


"Hey Candyland!" someone called to the author as she strolled in—it might have been Mac, but she wasn’t sure. She held up a hand in greeting to the unknown person and stopped at her locker.

Seconds later, Kathy appeared. "Hey, how goes it?"

In response, Candyland banged her head against her locker door a few times before looking forlornly at her friend. "Well, we actually managed a pretty quiet night. But Goten and Trunks tried to kill my pet Saibaman. My poor Kiwi is traumatized!"

Kathy looked horrified. "But he’s such a good-natured Saibaman! Poor Kiwi."

"I know," the author sighed. "He was so upset last night, he kept running in circles around my bedroom, doing that insane whistling thing he does when he’s angry. Man, it was gonna drive me nuts!"

"Bet you didn’t get much sleep," Kathy chimed sympathetically. "Well, we send them home today. No more things getting blown up, no more insane anime mothers chasing choir directors out of the room with machine guns, and no more Vegeta constantly threatening mass homicide."

Candyland nodded and slammed her locker shut. "Yeah...hey, did they ever find Laura after Goku sent her through the roof?"

"Yeah," Kathy answered as the two headed for the band-room. "She’s in the hospital, but she’s actually not injured very seriously, if you can believe it. It’s already going around school that some freak threw our choir’s star soprano through the auditorium ceiling."

"Oh, good grief..." Candyland shook her head. "Well, if anyone asks, we don’t know anything. Today during choir, we are working on getting them back. Capeesh?"

"Capeesh."

"I wonder what they’re doing right now...making trouble, I bet."

-o-


"Why can’t we move?" Goten whined.

"Because I want to get home in one piece!" ChiChi admonished her son.

Bulma chimed in. "And you guys have a severe tendency to blow up anything that crosses your path! It’s much safer to just stay here and wait."

"She said we go home today," Krillen pointed out. "Everyone just has to stay out of trouble until tonight. It can’t be that hard."

Famous last words...