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22 March 2007 @ 08:56 pm
I Wish You to the Cornfield, ch. 18 (DBZ)  
Title: I Wish You to the Cornfield
Fandom: Dragonball Z
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor (read that as CRACK)
Publish Date: 10/29/2002 to 1/5/2003
Disclaimer: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I do not own DBZ.



The band was grouped together in a small grassy knoll next to the main stairs of the school, and the entire student body was milling around at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for the assembly to start.

But all the male members (minus the chibis, who were too young to appreciate) of the Z squad were focused on something else entirely.

In front of the main doors, the cheerleaders were doing their dance while the pep band (AN: which is also the marching band and the concert band) played "Louie Louie." Most of the male eyes were glued to the short skirts (AN: I can just see this in my mind...)

"Whoa..." Gohan muttered, his jaw hanging off of his bright red face as he watched the cheerleaders. "Master Roshi’s gonna be sorry he missed this!"

As the cheerleaders went into their first cheer, Goku’s look went from inquisitive to delighted, and he actually started participating.

"Are you ready to get started?" the girls asked, clapping their hands and running in place.

Goku started jumping up and down as he called back. "Yes we are!"

And so it went on like that, with the band playing a couple songs and the cheerleaders dancing. After about thirty seconds, Candyland suspected that the only thing keeping the male members of the Z senshi where they were was the cheerleaders. But judging from the looks on Bulma, ChiChi, Eighteen, and Videl’s faces, if this persisted, the men would not be standing for long.

The footballs players came out, and a couple of them said a few words, and the student body cheered, hooted, and hollered. Then the cheerleaders went to work again.

"Hey freshmen!" they called.

"Hey what?" the freshmen in the crowd replied.

"Hey freshmen!"

"Hey what?"

"Shake your booty!"

"No way!"

"Shake your booty!"

"Okay!"

With that, the cheerleaders and a fourth of the student body began jumping up and down, moving in a circle, and...well...shook their booties.

"Jump, shake your booty, jump jump, shake your booty, jump, shake your booty, jump jump, shake your booty!" Then the cheerleaders moved onto the sophomores, juniors, seniors, and finally the entire school was jumping and shaking their booties.

All except the Z males, whose eyes had rather unceremoniously bugged out of their heads at the sight of twenty or so high school girls doing...THAT! And apparently, THAT was enough for the ladies. The frying pans flew, and the men managed to ogle a little less conspicuously. The only one not totally taken in by the cheerleaders was Goku, who was doing what they said—jumping and shaking his booty.

Vegeta was not pleased by two things. Number one, the last full-blooded member of his race was doing something that Vegeta himself would have rather died than do—dancing. And number one, the damn baka woman had just conked him over the head with a frying pan. And for a lack of anyone else to blame, he blamed the cheerleaders for the pain in his head. And because of his aching cranium, the high-pitched squeals being emitted from the energetic pom squad were far less than enjoyable. In fact, they were just downright annoying.

And in Vegeta’s eyes, there was only one way to deal with an annoyance.

Ki blast. Blow up. Destroy.

And that’s just what Vegeta did.

Before anyone could stop him, he raised a hand and formed a sizable ki blast. An instant later, he released it towards the dancing teenagers in cheerleading outfits. The cheers were replaced by screams as the girls were instantaneously incinerated, and the concrete landing and the stairs erupted in a cloud of dust as big chunks of cement went flying everywhere. The student body of the school, who had been grouped around at the bottom of the stairs, fled screaming in terror as the short, freaky-looking guy in Spandex blew up the front of the school and the cheerleading squad. The majority of these students jumped in cars and scereched away from the school. Most of the band members dropped their instruments in the grass and took off for the farthest reaches of the parking lot to get away from Crazy-Hair Spandex Man.

Vegeta smirked triumphantly—at last, he’d gotten those pesky kids to stop! And he’d seen one of the big pieces of flying concrete land on that annoying kid from the rehearsal the night before.

So Austin died again. (AN: I know, I’m cruel! But if you knew the kid, you’d understand.)

But Vegeta’s victory didn’t last.

Bulma descended on him with a frying pan, screaming at him for being such a thickheaded idiot.

Candyland descended on him with a pen and paper in hand, shrieking at him for blowing up the front of her school and a few of her friends.

Goku descended on him with a fists a-flying, yelling at him for stopping the fun he’d been having doing the cheers and their accompanying dances.

And a few feet away, Fred the Mutant Pickle and Kathy were rolling around on the ground, laughing their heads off. They didn’t like cheerleaders, nor did they like Vegeta, so this was a definite bonus for the two of them. Nearby, Goten and Trunks were a little confused—why had Vegeta blown up those people? They had been so funny!

In a huff, Candyland grabbed her two friends and sat down in the charred remnants of the grass. "That’s it! We’re doing this now! Screw whatever else I have to do! Fred, Kathy, get your butts over here and let’s write these guys home!" She shot a very measuring glance at Vegeta, then started writing.

The Z senshi reacted joyfully, according to their own natures. For a few of them, that meant that no reaction registered whatsoever. But everyone was surprised—Eighteen actually smiled at the thought of going home and rescuing her daughter from the clutches of Sir Roshi the Perverted.

While Candyland scribbled on the paper, Fred and Kathy read over her shoulder. Suddenly, both teenagers began laughing at the same time. Whatever Candyland was writing, it had to be pretty damn funny, judging from the reactions.

And for some reason, this made the Z cast somewhat nervous.

Finally, she lifted her hand from the paper, held the sheet up, and began reading it to herself. About ten seconds later, she smiled and nodded. "Yup, this is it. Say goodbye, you guys."

Almost predictably, Goku grinned. "Goodbye, you guys!"

Candyland fought down the urge to give Goku one last smack on the head, and instead held the paper over her head. It began glowing, and beams of light shot out from it. The chibis (and Goku) oohed and aahed at the spectacle. It was like fireworks!

In a bright flash of light, the same strange vortext portal-thing appeared next to them and sucked them in with intense force. For the second time, the Z senshi fell through a seemingly-endless tunnel of color, until a blinding light appeared beneath them, signalling their return home...