Pairing: Kudo Shinichi/Mouri Ran
Fandom: Detective Conan
Theme: #1—look over here
Rating: PG (a couple of swear words)
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Gosho Aoyama. I claim none, I merely borrow them and dress them up in frilly smocks and make them dance to my ever-changing will like the puppets they are.
Summary: Okay, Shinichi, it’s official. You need some serious help.
It could never be said that Kudo Shinichi was not an intelligent person. Far from it—he was brilliant, an intellectual whiz. However, there was one area in which Shinichi was definitely lacking in both knowledge and common sense.
And it was for this reason that our beloved hero found himself sitting on the floor in the school hallway, his back against the wall; there was a book in his hands that he was ignoring in favor of a different distraction. Namely, the smaller version of himself floating beside his head, a being who was perhaps as tall as his hand.
But this wasn’t a normal looking Shinichi. In place of his favored blue suit was an elegant black tuxedo. And our everyday Shinichi definitely didn’t have two small crimson horns sticking out of his dark hair, nor did he possess a long, forked tail. And he generally didn’t have a pitchfork laying across his lap.
And Devil-Shinichi—our favorite detective’s own personal shoulder-devil—was on the prowl for something good with which to torment his mortal charge. “Okay, so tell me again about this girl?” he asked, an evil glint in his blue eyes.
“You already know about Ran,” Shinichi replied, flipping a page in spite of the fact that he wasn’t actually reading the book. “Now leave me alone, would you please?”
“Awww, come on!” the tiny devil cajoled. “I don’t know why you’re so determined to not do anything about her. I’m sure you already know this, but in case you missed it—she’s HOT.”
Shinichi whipped around and started to respond, most likely a snarky response…and then Ran came out of the classroom and strolled by. She didn’t seem to notice him at first, as Sonoko was tugging at her arm and asking her a question about going shopping.
Suddenly, the Great Detective forgot that he A) had a shoulder-devil, and B) was currently supposed to be arguing with his shoulder-devil. His attention had been completely diverted elsewhere, thank you very much.
The way she smiled indulgently at Sonoko’s tirades…
The sparkle in her blue eyes…
The little wave she gave him when she noticed him there…
The shininess of her long, dark hair…
Unfortunately, Devil-Shinichi was not horribly happy about being ignored. “Hey!” he frowned, and began stabbing Shinichi in the head with his pitchfork and kicking the sides of his face in an attempt to draw attention. “Helloooo? Hey, you! Look over here, I’m talking to you, dammit!”
His mortal charge, thoroughly distracted by a pair of beautiful…eyes, didn’t seem to notice the assault on his skull. He just kept staring at the wonder (and shininess!) that was his lady-love.
Devil-Shinichi finally gave up and sat down on Shinichi’s shoulder, his chin in his hands. “I can wait as long as you can…” he sighed forlornly, giving the mortal boy a nudge with his elbow. “Jerk…”
Shinichi just murmured something that sounded suspiciously like, “Shiny…”
Shinichi pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers and sighed. There were two physical manifestations of his subconscious…and they really liked to argue. And Shinichi was getting a headache.
“Shinichiiiiii!” Angel-Shinichi tugged on his mortal charge’s ear and whined, “He’s picking on me again! Tell him that my outfit doesn’t make me look like Kaitou Kid, would you?”
Obligingly, Shinichi turned his head and looked. “Well, the white suit, sort of. But your shirt’s not blue and you’re not wearing a red tie. And you’ve got a halo instead of a hat and wings instead of a cape. So…sort of, but not really.”
Angel-Shinichi frowned. “I think you’re evading the question.”
Shinichi shrugged and went back to the book in his hands. “Take it how you will.”
There was a moment of quiet before Angel-Shinichi cleared his throat. “So, Shinichi…”
“Can you tell us why you haven’t made a move on Ran yet?”
There was an audible screech as Shinichi skidded to a stop. “Excuse me?”
“Well, we’ve been talking about it—and trust me, we already know your reasons,” the shoulder-angel chuckled. “We are a part of your mind, after all. We know more about you than you do. But we were wondering if you could actually tell us.”
“Forget it,” Shinichi waved a hand, narrowly missing nailing Angel-Shinichi with a blow that undoubtedly would have sent his smaller self flying into the wall. “Keep your immortal noses out of my business, thank you very much.”
“But…” Angel-Shinichi protested, “Shinichi, we are you.”
“Yeah, and you’re wasting time,” Devil-Shinichi broke in. “I know what kinda things happen in those dreams you have about that girl of yours. I’m proud that you have that kind of an imagination!”
Shinichi fought down the urge to swat them both with his math book and continued stalking away.
Angel-Shinichi frowned. “We need to do something, and fast.. He refuses to listen to us, and he won’t admit that he’s scared.” He turned to his demonic companion. “Evil is your department. Any ideas?”
Devil-Shinichi pondered for a minute before he grinned and, in a voice loud enough that Shinichi could hear it even as far away as he was, proudly crowed, “…I think you should kiss her!”
Shinichi whirled fast enough to create a sonic boom. “WHAAAAT?”
“I said I think you should kiss her.”
“I know. I heard you. That was more of a ‘what are you smoking?’ kind of ‘what?’”
“Oh, I’m sorry. My bad.”
“That’s okay. Now explain yourself.”
Devil-Shinichi managed to not roll his eyes. “Honestly, kid, what do I have to do? Sing it for you?” he sighed. “No, that’s probably a bad idea, given our musical…um, yeah. Okay, look. You like her—a lot. She likes you—a lot. So why the hell aren’t you getting your mack on?”
Angel-Shinichi sighed and facepalmed. “I’ll apologize on his behalf, since he doesn’t know the meaning of the word. But amazingly enough, he does have a point—well, sort of. Why are you so adverse to doing anything that might actually get you a chance with her? Realize that we already know, we just want you to tell us.”
Shinichi was surprisingly silent.
“You know,” Angel-Shinichi said softly, perching on his charge’s shoulder, “it’s all right to be scared. At least, I would like to hope you know that.”
“I’m not scared!” Shinichi snapped a little too quickly.
Devil-Shinichi let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like “LIAR!”
In answer, Angel-Shinichi flew over to his evil counterpart—and proceeded to bash the devil over the head with a harp that seemed to materialize from nowhere. “Shut up and let me handle this! Or I’ll get the holy water again!”
The now-incapacitated devil floated down into Shinichi’s hands; the mortal boy looked up at his alleged good side. “You’re sure you’re the good influence in this outfit?”
“You’ve never seen him drunk and swinging a pitchfork,” Angel-Shinichi replied delicately.
“So if I were to set you and Ran up, would you kill me?” the angel went on.
“…can I kill you?” Shinichi asked after a moment’s thought. “I thought you guys were immortal.”
“Yay for me.”
“But can I? CanIcanIcaaaaaaaanI?”
Shinichi grimaced. “I know you guys a little better than you think. You’re going to go off and do what you want, whether I give you my permission or not. Because you’re my subconscious, and you therefore have decided that it’s your inalienable right to screw with me. I dare you to tell me I’m wrong.”
Angel-Shinichi was quiet for a long moment. Then… “So can I?”
“I don’t care!” Shinichi huffed. “Why are you so interested in my love life, anyway?”
“Because I’m a part of you, and you’re unhappy,” Angel-Shinichi said simply. “You’re in love, but with everything that happened and everything going completely nuts at the end, you’re not sure if she still loves you or if you screwed that up sideways. And you’ve been over-thinking this for so long that you’ve managed to work yourself up into a state where you can’t just go up and ask her about it.”
Shinichi was silent.
“So let us help!” the shoulder-angel chirped merrily. “I’ll set it up, just leave it to me!”
The teenaged detective gave his conscience a Look. “You’re going to go talk to Ran?”
“…if she freaks out, I’m knocking you into a wall.”
“Fair enough,” the angel nodded. “Now, one more thing I think I should tell you…”
Meanwhile, still cupped in Shinichi’s hands, Devil-Shinichi was only beginning to rouse from his semi-comatose state, and had started mumbling. “I know…put my earmuffs on the cookie…”
Ran looked up from her textbook and glanced around at the sound of someone hissing at her.
Finally, her eyes came to rest on something small, standing on the corner of her desk. But it took her a moment to full comprehend what exactly she was looking at: it seemed to be a miniature version of Shinichi, merely several inches tall.
The first thing that popped into her head was that Shinichi had really become a shrunken detective, and she nearly had a heart attack. But then she realized that he was wearing a white suit, and had…wings? And a shiny gold halo?
Ran blinked once, twice, three times a lady. Nope, he was still there.
“Hello!” the small Shinichi was waving at her now, flashing her Shinichi’s best smile.
“Hi,” she said, startled into response.
The Shinichi angel (though that little thought made her have to bite back a chuckle) fluttered his wings and darted up to sit on her shoulder. “I’m here on behalf of my client.”
“Your…client?” Ran repeated incredulously. “Does Shinichi know you’re here?”
“Not exactly,” the little angel looked sheepish.
“Why are you here, anyway?” she asked.
“We’re trying to be helpful,” Angel-Shinichi said sincerely. “My…ah, counterpart is currently chewing on your boyfriend’s ear about things of no great consequence.” The glare that was fired his way made him stop short, and then he realized, “I said the B-word, didn’t I?
He inched a little further from her head, more towards her arm. “Please don’t hurt me?”
She shook her head in disbelief. “God, now even Shinichi’s subconscious is making fun of me?”
“I meant no harm.”
“Maybe you should just tell me what you’re doing here,” Ran leaned one elbow on the desk and put her chin in her hand. “Since Shinichi obviously doesn’t know you’re here. Must be important.”
“I’m delivering a message,” he told her proudly. “I’m supposed to tell you to go up to the school roof after classes. Shinichi will meet you there—he’s got something very important to tell you.”
“Does he know he’s meeting me there?”
“Yes. We told him so.”
She regarded him for a moment before smiling with the air of one long such accustomed to things being handled in such a fashion. “Tell you what,” she said, turning her attention back to her reading. “You worry about Shinichi, and I’ll worry about Shinichi. Does that sound fair?”
He pondered for a long minute before he finally understood what she meant. “I’ll keep an eye on his mental health, and you’ll make sure he doesn’t get himself killed?”
“Fair enough,” the shoulder-angel nodded, lifting off from his perch and executing a courtly bow while hovering in mid-air. “Well, thank you for your time. May our paths cross again.” And he was gone, evaporating into a small flurry of miniature white feathers.
It never occurred to Angel-Shinichi to wonder why she seemed so surprisingly at-ease with the fact that she was talking with half of Shinichi’s subconscious. And what was even more amazing, Ran reflected in hindsight, was that nobody else seemed to notice the conversation she was having with a real miniature detective sitting on her shoulder.
“Why am I here again?” Shinichi asked, leaning against the chain-link fence that ran around the entire perimeter of the school roof. No one else was up there, making it the perfect meeting place.
“Because we’re helping you!” Devil-Shinichi crowed.
“If I recall, my other side is the one who set this up,” the teenaged tantei pointed out. “You just kept chewing at me until I finally agreed to go through with this. So get off my back.”
“…no one respects my genius,” the little devil replied sadly.
“Oh, shut up,” Angel-Shinichi deadpanned. “No one cares.”
“You know, for a shoulder angel, you’re…well, not as angelic as one would think,” Shinichi said.
“I get it from you. Don’t you ever forget that.”
“Okay, okay—“ his response was cut off by the sound of the roof’s door opening and closing, followed by soft, tentative footsteps padding across the stone rooftop.
There was a tug on Shinichi’s ear, and he turned to see both his angelic and devilish selves standing on his shoulder, grinning at him. “We’re outta here,” the shoulder-devil said with a grin. “Gonna leave you to do your thing.”
“Remember what we talked about,” Angel-Shinichi added, “and you’ll be fine.”
There was a flurry of tiny white feathers and a poof of black smoke as they disappeared.
He straightened up and whirled around at the sound of his name. “Oh—hey, Ran.”
Oh—hey Ran. Brilliant, genius… he mentally gave himself a kick in the ass.
“I got your—um, message,” Ran said. It didn’t escape him that she paused before saying message, and he inwardly groaned at his inadvertent choice of delivery boy. “He said you had something you wanted to talk to me about. What’s up?”
Were Shinichi a little less nervous, he probably would have paused to wonder why she was so calm. But his brain was going a mile a minute, his insides were twisting into knots that would have made a sailor proud, and his tongue had gone into a full rebellion against him.
Those three things all worked together to culminate in what probably ranked as one of the most horrifying moments of Shinichi’s life. Well, right up there with the whole apotoxin-Black Organization-nearly dying thing, of course.
“I love you.”
The words just flew from his lips before he could even think enough to realize what they were or what they entailed. And then he saw Ran’s jaw drop, and his brain finally reunited with his voice in their normal alliance, leaving him to realize that he had just made a huge blunder.
Ran’s eyes were approximately eight times their normal size now.
He took a step back, and his voice once again broke off its connection from his brain and just started running wild. “Oh shit I’m such a moron I can’t believe I just did that that was not how that was supposed to come out it was supposed to be a lot better than that and now you probably think I’m a total freak and you’re probably mad and…crap…”
Shinichi’s forehead dropped down into his hand as he tried to figure out a way to salvage the situation, considering he had probably just destroyed everything. Dammit, this was supposed to be romantic or special or…anything but what he had just done.
…and it was strange, but he could have sworn that he heard a vaguely familiar voice nearby, barely above a whisper, hissing something that sounded like “Kiss him!”
With his head down, he didn’t see Ran move or even hear her footsteps this time—he just felt hands on the sides of his face, pulling his head away from his hand and down and holding it there, and then the press of lips crashing against his in an intensely possessive manner.
After about two seconds, Shinichi realized that he had just gotten a wordless answer.
He also decided—very quickly—that participation was definitely a good idea…
A short distance away, two very small Shinichis were laughing and high-fiving each other. “Oh man…” Angel-Shinichi giggled, a noise that would have never been heard coming from his human charge’s lips. “Did you see the look on his face?”
“I know!” Devil-Shinichi brushed away evil tears of laughter before his expression shifted to something less amused and more thoughtful. “Although…I thought it was going to be the other way around. Ya know, him kissing her.”
Devil-Shinichi was propelled forward by the force of something smacking against the top of his head. Grappling at the injured spot with both hands, he whirled with every intention of exacting immediate vengeance upon his assailant.
Instead, he froze, numerous interesting phrases dying on his tongue.
Both Angel-Shinichi and Devil-Shinichi stared up at the figures looming over them. The weapon that had been wielded against his skull was obviously displayed; its owner was smiling. Evilly.
“What?” Devil-Ran smirked, turning her pitchfork over in her hands. “You think you’re the only ones who’ve been trying to hook those two up? Puh-lease.” Her male counterpart simply gaped—after all, who wouldn’t stare at an evil knockout in black leather?
She suddenly leaned forward and put the handle end of her weapon beneath Devil-Shinichi’s chin, tilting it upwards so he had to look at her face. She smirked in a most evil manner. “Hello, handsome...”
Behind her, a white-clad, white-winged, halo-ed Angel-Ran giggled, and a slack-jawed Angel-Shinichi stared at her, little pink hearts floating up from his head and popping in the air around him.
Devil-Shinichi gulped. Rawr…
A while later, when both our lovesick protagonists finally realized that, although it would have been an enormously pleasant way to go, death by suffocation was not on either of their lists, they finally pulled apart and just sort of stared at each other, gasping and gulping for air. Neither of them dared to move from the warm circle of the other’s arms.
“Hmm?” she leaned back to look up at him.
“…what brought that on?”
Ran gave him a wicked smile. “The devil made me do it.”
PS. I knew from the beginning of this challenge that I would give Shinichi a shoulder-angel, sooner or later. I love the idea. And just for you, magic_truth, behold the hair-treatment for Ran :) Ended up a little strange, but it made me laugh. Can anyone spot the Avenue Q reference?
“Uh-huh…” Kazuha murmured thoughtfully into the receiver. She listened for a few seconds, then tilted her head to the side. “That actually worked? Okay…” She listened again. “Hmmm…well, okay. Thanks for letting me know. Okay. Yes. Yup! Sounds good. Thanks—bye!”
She hung up and stared at the phone for a minute before turning away from it and heading back over towards the couch, where Heiji was sprawled haphazardly on his back. “Who was that?” he asked.
“Telemarketer,” she replied casually, leaning on the edge of the couch, arms folded across her chest. She seemed to be thinking something over. Finally, she took a deep breath. “Heiji…”
Thinking back to the slightly-odd tip that Kudo Shinichi had just given her over the phone, Kazuha smiled. “You know what? I really don’t get the whole kissing thing…”
The rest, I leave to your imaginations. Thank you all again. Ciao!