Fandom: Detective Conan
Characters: Heiji/Kazuha (General series)
Word Count: 2195 words
Author's Notes: I do not own Detective Conan. It all belongs to Gosho Aoyama. I simply borrow the characters, tie them up, and dance them around like life-sized puppets. I do wish they’d stop complaining.
Summary: Heiji is on a mission. Who knows? Maybe he’ll actually figure it out! Heiji/Kazuha
The two babies stared at each other with similar green gazes.
Having been placed in the same crib by their parents, they really didn’t have much else to do. Said parents were just outside the door, excitedly discussing their newfound roles as parents, leaving their very young children to get acquainted. After all, their parents were longtime friends, so if the kids hit it off, it would make things much easier.
The adorable little boy regarded his newfound companion quizzically before crawling over to her for closer examination. She held onto her stuffed bunny toy and watched him right back.
Baby Heiji chirped.
Baby Kazuha cooed.
Baby Heiji gurgled.
Baby Kazuha meeped.
Baby Heiji giggled.
Baby Kazuha shrieked and waved her arms…and then reached over and soundly gave Baby Heiji a baby slap on the top of his baby head before she decided that the bunny toy in her hands was more interesting and less likely to irritate her, and began gnawing on its ear. Poor Bunny-san.
Baby Heiji pouted.
Baby Kazuha chewed, ignoring him.
And that was their beautiful beginning.
Hattori Heiji tried everything. He tried drumming his fingers on the desk. He tried reading. He tried napping. He tried staring at the wall. Hell, he even went a little crazy and went so far as to try and pay attention to what the teacher was lecturing on.
But it was to no avail. His eyes kept dragging themselves back in her direction. And for the absolute life of him, he couldn’t figure out why. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen her before or anything. He saw her every day—hell, he saw her far more often than he probably should, she followed him everywhere, always nagging and pestering and whining…
He was such a saint. He could tolerate it.
…aw, crap, his eyes were roaming back towards her. No, no, no, stupid!! Why did he keep looking at her? It wasn’t like she was even that nice to look at or anything…except for the part where she actually was. When had she started being pretty?
…that was a dangerous train of thought.
But after about two weeks of this, he started to wonder if…if…
I have officially lost my mind! he berated himself. Epiphanies were never fun.
But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense to him. They had known each other their entire lives—she knew everything about him (and vice versa), and she hadn’t run away screaming yet. Which was a definite plus.
They were closer than most siblings in a lot of ways…and she had somehow managed to become really pretty in the last couple of weeks—he swore she hadn’t looked that good before.
Except for the part where there was no way he could possibly have feelings for Kazuha. No effin’ WAY. That just wasn’t possible. He tried to rationalize everything as best he could—it was concern for a follower, or he was just being stupid, or…hell, he was even willing to think that maybe it was a little bit of infatuation or something! But he didn’t think about that too much—it was a dangerous train of thought.
Still, after a couple of days of trying to arrange his thoughts and put some other name to what he was feeling…he was still stuck at square one. Nothing else seemed to tally up.
One of the reasons Heiji was such a good detective was because he let the evidence speak for itself; the evidence told a story of sorts, and he let that storyline guide his deductions to reach the inevitable ending, no matter how unlikely that ending was. The only place he tended to have problems with that was when it applied to himself and his own thoughts.
In this case it took him four freakin’ days to actually trace the evidence…and when he got to the end of the road and found himself at the ultimate deduction…he actually headdesked. In the middle of class, no less. And then Sensei scolded him for falling asleep in class.
As if finally getting it wasn’t bad enough, now he was in trouble. And Kazuha was watching him like she knew that there was something going on, but didn’t know what it was…so she just settled for giving him a ‘you are such an ahou’ Look.
For the rest of the day, Heiji just stared out the window and tried to figure out when in the hell he’d fallen for his childhood best friend…and didn’t hear Sensei calling on him to answer a question.
Then he got chewed out again.
Going home from school that day was a definite challenge. First of all, they always walked home together—which also involved contact, close proximity, and conversation, three things he was pretty sure he couldn’t handle doing at that moment.
Just stay calm…play it cool. You’re totally fine, he told himself, giving himself a mental shake. Nobody knows what’s going on. Just act natural, be yourself, don’t worry…
…she’s looking at me.
He shifted uncomfortably under her questioning scrutiny for a loooooong minute before he realized he had to say something or it would be dramatically out of character. “What’re you looking at, ahou?” he demanded loudly. It was the first thing that came to his mind, and it was definitely in character. She would never know what he was thinking now!
…she’s got beautiful eyes…okay, she’s not looking at me anymore.
Now she’s taking swings at me…oh well.
Heiji looked up at the sky. “…bwuh?”
Heiji nodded. “Thanks…”
The author felt stupid for a moment before she noticed something very shiny on the sidewalk and jumped out the window to chase after it. Too bad she lived on the second floor. Ow…
(AN: I have no idea anymore…I really don’t…the plunnies won’t let me goooo…)
When Kazuha stopped trying to land punches on his face, they lapsed back into a semi-comfortable silence.
And his eyes again took on that bizarre mind of their own, and forcibly dragged themselves back towards her direction. He fought, but they lead the charge forcefully and won the battle, and so he found himself once again staring at her.
He was suddenly noticing a lot of little things. Really little things, like how brown her hair was, or the way her ponytail swung behind her juuuuuuust so when she walked, or how she kept banging her knees against her school satchel. Stupid, unimportant little things that he had never noticed before now seemed to jump out at him and captivate his attention.
Unfortunately for Heiji, it hadn’t gone unnoticed.
Kazuha finally got fed up; she stopped and turned to face him fully, arms folded menacingly. “Why do you keep staring at me?!?” she demanded loudly, fire in her voice and something unreadable flashing across her eyes.
He took a shaky step backwards in spite of himself. “I can explain!” Heiji yelped, panic setting in.
There was a pause. Kazuha tapped her foot expectantly. Nearby, a cricket chirped.
Heiji sighed. “All right, I can’t…”
Kazuha rolled her eyes and smacked him on the head. “Ahou. Let’s go home.”
As they neared his house, Heiji swallowed hard and tried to speak, to say something. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that where they were was really the best possible setting. There weren’t many people around to overhear things, it was neutral territory, and he had plenty of directions in which he could run in case she decided she didn’t like things and tried to hurt him.
“Hey, Kazuha…” he started.
“What’s up?” she asked pleasantly. She seemed to be in a relatively good mood.
This was it—the perfect moment. All he had to do was say the right thing—tell her he thought he loved her, ask her out, ask what she thought of him…so many things he could say to get the ball rolling…
“…do you want to come over to my house for a while?” he blurted. “Just hang out for a while?”
Kazuha seemed a bit startled, but smiled. “Sure! Why not?”
And as they walked on, Heiji wished he had a bat.
So he could hit himself with it.
Her hand was right there.
All he had to do was reach down and grab it. No big deal—he had touched her before. Hell, he had even held her hand before. Granted, it was usually more with the intention of dragging her away for some reason, like…running away from a psycho with a sword who was determined to slaughter them both.
He had never held her hand…just for the sake of doing it, or because there was any feeling behind it. At least, he was pretty sure he had never done that. But now…maybe that would be a good way to open things up and…okay, he was just running out of ideas, and he was hopeless when it came to actually talking about emotions and crap like that.
Unfortunately, while he was trying to figure out what he was going to do, he didn’t notice that he was falling behind her. He also didn’t notice that Kazuha looked freakin’ annoyed—he was being even more clueless than usual today.
“Would you come on already?” she reached down and grabbed his hand, pulling him along behind her. “We’re almost there!” She dragged him bodily up the walkway to the front door of his home, completely oblivious to the dopey grin on his face.
“Uhh…Heiji?” Kazuha began softly. “I don’t mean to complain, but…the door’s stuck.”
Behind her in the darkness of the closet, Heiji cursed under his breath. He was going to get Kudo for this, really he was—and to a lesser extent, Neechan. They’d been surprised to get to Heiji’s house and find their two Tokyo friends there.
They’d been doubly surprised when said friends (seemingly in alliance with Heiji’s mother) had jokingly pushed them into a closet and shut the door. And now they were getting pissed because they could hear Ran and Shinichi outside the door, whispering.
“Kudo!” Heiji hollered through the door. “Open the door right now!”
“Not until you two accomplish something!” Kudo replied.
Heiji was debating about whether or not to punch the door when Kazuha spoke up, completely derailing his thoughts. “Heiji…what exactly does he mean by that, do you think?”
He swallowed hard. Uh-oh…
“Okay…Kazuha, there’s something I want to tell you,” he said, blurting at least that much out before he could chicken out and change his mind and go back to swearing at the door.
“What?” Kazuha asked. She sounded confused. He couldn’t see her too clearly, but he was pretty sure that she was looking at him; he could feel her eyes on him. “What’s up?”
“Weeeeeeell…” he half-stammered, becoming more and more thankful for the darkness. She couldn’t see him blush. “I…um, I…err…forget it.” Mentally, he cursed. He really sucked at this game. “Just forget it.”
“…Heiji,” she said in a firm tone. “What the hell is going on?”
“Nothing!” he half-yelped. This was bad.
Kazuha fell silent for a moment. He could almost hear her thinking. That was a bad, bad thing. Kazuha thinking could be very scary—it tended to result in bodily injury. And they were trapped in a very small, confined space, so he had zero escape routes.
“Where are you?” she said suddenly. And then her hands were fumbling at him; they found one of his arms first, and from there moved her hands up to his shoulders. “There. Now what is it you want to tell me?”
“…nothing,” he said flatly. “Forget it.” Forget that she was close enough for him to kiss her or something like that, and it would be pretty awesome if he could…and not get killed for it. And dammit, when did he start thinking about kissing her?
Maybe he should. Then at least he could die happy.
Kazuha’s hands moved up his neck to the sides of his face. “Well, if you’re not going to do it, then I might as well. Hold still.” And she pulled on his head and kissed him…except she had to try again because she missed his mouth on the first try and planted that first kiss right under his left eye. But the second time she found her target, no problem.
…well. That made things a lot easier, didn’t it?
Maybe he wouldn’t kill Kudo right away, he decided as they enjoyed a very nice moment.
“You’re still an ahou,” Heiji said loftily.
“At least I don’t have permanent hat-hair,” Kazuha shot back.
Heiji growled…and kissed her again.
Now if they could only get Kudo and Neechan to open the damn door…
PS. Before anyone asks, I have NO idea whatsoever—I remember that I got the idea while I was washing my hair and trying to rinse shampoo out of my eyes. I actually started this fic eons ago, and then forgot about it, and then stumbled across it again when I was digging through my Documents folder. It still made me chuckle (because clueless!Heiji is always amusing), so I decided to see if I could finish it.
Some of you might recognize the opening. I wrote it originally for this fic, and then wound up using something very, very similar (…okay, almost identical) as the opening for one of my 30_kisses for Shinichi and Ran. But…it might be one of the best fic intros I’ve ever written. So I decided to just leave it—this fic did have it first.
Thanks for reading, all! Much love!