Fandom: Detective Conan
Characters: Kaitou Kid, Hakuba (General series)
Word Count: 684 words
Author's Notes: I do not own Detective Conan. It all belongs to Gosho Aoyama. I simply borrow the characters, tie them up, and dance them around like life-sized puppets. I do wish they’d stop complaining.
Summary: Hakuba and Kid wind up discussing something…rather silly.
An earlier debate with Aoko-san had a rather unorthodox question burning rather vividly in the back of Hakuba’s mind as he chased Kaitou Kid all the way to a rooftop several blocks away from the heist location.
He stood there, hunched over and gasping while Kid showed only the barest signs of exertion. And he was rather annoyed when Kid began to applaud. “Bravo, tantei-san!” he cheered. “You’ve done well tonight! You deserve a prize!” He pretended to think it over—or at least Hakuba had the distinct impression that he was pretending—before he said, “You may ask me one question. I think you know what questions I won’t answer. So choose wisely.”
Hakuba straightened up. One question…any question he wanted within reason. He tried to think as various questions flickered through his mind. He could ask why he did what he did…who was responsible for the gunfire at the heists (although he still couldn’t figure out why Kid would play that information so close to the vest)…why they were shooting at him…why did he return all of his targets—did it mean he was looking for something specific? So many options, and he could only choose one.
Unfortunately for Hakuba, however, every once in a while his mind decided to take on a mind of its own…as it were. His earlier debate with Aoko-san came to the front, and before he could stop himself he heard himself blurt out, “Are you gay?”
As soon as he said it, he slapped a hand to his forehead. He was about to try and protest when Kid started chuckling, obviously amused. “Are you asking for yourself, or is this a ‘friend of a friend’ thing?” He did finger quotes in the air to accent that last part.
Hakuba sighed. “That wasn’t what I meant to say…”
The thief grinned. “Well, since you asked…no. I’m not gay.”
“I’m not,” he said before switching to a flawless Yoda impression. “Far too much love for the ladies, this one has.” Then his expression turned a bit more thoughtful. “Dare I ask where that question came from?”
“If you must know, it was a discussion I had earlier with Aoko-san,” Hakuba replied, recalling how their chat about the admittedly-illustrious thief had taken that bizarre turn…while Kuroba sat there, listened, and chuckled as he paged through his morning newspaper.
“Ah, the lovely Miss Nakamori, you mean?” he smiled knowingly. “Quite a charming young lady.”
“She hates you.”
“I know,” the thief replied. “It’s rather refreshing to know that morals are alive and well. Her father raised her well, and I tip my hat to him for that.” As he spoke, he pulled several small objects from his pocket—including the diamond that was that evening’s heist—and began juggling them. “Stealing is wrong. Fun, but wrong. So it’s nice to know that there is at least one person out there who doesn’t glorify what I do.”
Hakuba frowned. “You glorify what you do.”
Kid grinned. “Glorifying what I do is what I do.”
The thief changed juggling patterns. “So dare I ask why Miss Nakamori believes me to be gay?”
“It was during the heist at Ojiima Museum, with that necklace,” Hakuba replied dryly. “You escaped on a broomstick, and you screamed like a girl. That convinced her. I have to admit, she made a good case…”
Kid paused in his juggling; the stones (including the diamond) landed back in his hands. “Tantei-san, I’d like to ask you a question, as you claim to be the expert on me and my heists,” he said slowly. “When, before and since that heist, have I ever used a broomstick to escape?”
Hakuba paused. “…never. You usually use the glider to fly off and…oh.” Comprehension seemed to dawn as the half-Brit’s eyes widened. “That wasn’t you.”
The thief merely smiled.
Hakuba pressed a hand to his forehead; he looked embarrassed. “Where was my head on that one?”
“…I’d tell you my theory on that, but I don’t think you’d like it very much,” Kid said delicately after a pause.
PS. This entire fic is in existence for one reason and one reason only: I wanted to use the exchange with Hakuba saying, “Where was my head on that one?” and Kid replying, “I’d tell you my theory on that, but I don’t think you’d like it very much.” I blame ickaimp. Just because it’s fun :D Thanks for reading, all! Much love!