Fandom: Detective Conan
Friends: Kudo Shinichi/Edogawa Conan and Hattori Heiji
Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan—all the characters belong to Gosho Aoyama. I just kidnapped them and hid them in my closet to keep them safe from…I dunno, something awful, I’m sure. Don’t worry, I feed them. Sometimes.
Summary: Shinichi woke up to a mess and a massive headache. What the heck happened?
Shinichi felt a little apprehensive about the reported plans for the evening; still, he let Hattori and Kuroba bodily drag him into the club. “Guys, I don’t know about this—“
“Relax!” Kuroba cheered. “You’re getting married, big guy—and you wouldn’t let us throw you a real bachelor party. So you’re going to let us take you out on the town instead!” None of them were really big party guys or drinkers, but in honor of the upcoming wedding, Heiji and Kaito had decided that a night of drunken revelry was in order ‘before Kudo had someone to answer to,’ as Kaito so delicately put it. So they dragged him along for the ride.
No matter what Shinichi had to say about it.
And at first, he did protest. He obligingly downed the first couple of drinks set in front of him. But then Kuroba let it slip to a few bar patrons that Shinichi was due to tie the knot soon, and the entire place got involved—drinks all around, drunken sing-a-longs, and some very, very bad dancing. It wound up being like an unofficial bachelor party of sorts, and by the end of the night, Shinichi had learned a few things.
Number one: he would never be able to drink gin, vodka, or vermouth without gagging and/or having a seizure. Seriously—he tried when someone handed him a screwdriver and mentioned what was in it (orange juice and vodka). Sherry was a sometimes, he decided.
Number two: he really liked rum and coke. REALLY.
Number three: he had a lot of new friends at that bar. And to achieve insanity, just add alcohol.
By the time the three celebrating young men stumbled from the place, it was the wee hours of the morning, and Shinichi was the drunkest of them all. Kuroba (somehow the least intoxicated) pulled out his cell phone and made a call as they loaded into a taxi.
When Shinichi woke up the next morning, he felt awful.
He was home, in his own bed—with no solid recollection of how he got there—and he had a headache the size of Mount Fuji. His mouth felt like the Sahara Desert had sprung up on his tongue, and he really needed a shower.
It took a few minutes for him to ease out of bed and get on his feet; it took another few seconds before he was able to stand steadily. He stumbled towards the door, but paused at the mirror. He was stunned to see an enormous bruise on his forehead—a huge, ungodly purple blotch right between his eyes.
…what the hell did I do? he wondered as he headed out into the hallway and towards the stairs. On the way down, he noticed a hole in the wall—and not a small hole, either. And finally, when he got downstairs, he glanced into the living room and saw that the coffee table was in little tiny pieces, scattered across the floor.
Now he was alarmed. But his headache needed to be tended to before he could do much more in the way of thinking. So he continued on his way to the kitchen in search of coffee and an ice pack.
Hattori was sitting at the table, digging into a bowl of cereal and staring straight ahead with an even more vacant look in his eyes than was normal. Shinichi belatedly remembered that his Osakan friend was staying with him for a couple of days—Hattori had come down under the pretense of hanging out, which turned out to be a clever ruse in order to kidnap him and drag him off to do some questionable things!
Shinichi hoped that Heiji had as bad a headache as he did. Judging by the look of things, his wish had already been granted five times over. But he felt too crappy to even gloat about it. Instead, he grunted a good morning and plopped down at the table next to Hattori.
Hattori grunted in reply.
After a moment, Shinichi looked blankly at his friend. “What the hell did I do last night?”
“…you don’t remember?”
A pause. Then Heiji said, “…do you really want to know?”
…well, that was ominous. “Yeah. I do.”
“Okay…well, we left the bar, and you were hammered,” Heiji began, setting his spoon down in his bowl. “While we were getting into the cab, Kuroba made a phone call. We got back to your place, and Neechan was waiting—she was the one he’d called, figuring that you should have someone sober to look after you.”
Shinichi winced…which started his head hurting again.
“So Kuroba went on his way, and Neechan hauled you inside. But you didn’t want to cooperate. You wound up trying to run—don’t know where you were going—and you ran into the living room and tripped and landed on the coffee table. Guess you hit it just right, ‘cause the thing went smash.”
That explained one thing. “What about the hole in the wall?”
“We were trying to get you up the stairs, and you sorta started flailing, and your foot went through the wall,” Heiji explained, pausing to down another mouthful. “Man, you were REALLY gone. Was starting to wonder if you mighta gone a little too far overboard…”
“That’s a badge from when you tried to battle the bedroom door,” Heiji said. “I think the door won.”
“Yeah. Neechan was pretty pissed,” Heiji went on. “I mean, she was furious—muttered something about how you weren’t allowed to turn into her father. But anyway, she got you into the room and tried to get you at least on your bed. She almost got you to lay down, and then you started flailing again, and she wound up getting knocked right on top of you.” He took a bite. “On the bed.”
“…what happened?” Shinichi had gone absolutely green—both from the hangover and the story.
Heiji took another bite. “You started yelling, ‘No way, lady! I’m getting married!’”
Shinichi blinked. “What?”
“Yup,” Heiji sat back in his chair. “Neechan said she loves you, she hopes your headache isn’t too bad, she loves you again, and she’s coming over tonight to make your favorite dinner. Congratulations.”
PS. Inspired by a joke a friend told me. My mental image of the look on Ran’s face when Shinichi started yelling that is absolutely priceless, just so you all know. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading, all—much love!