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22 March 2007 @ 08:15 pm
I Wish You to the Cornfield, ch. 10 (DBZ)  
Title: I Wish You to the Cornfield
Fandom: Dragonball Z
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor (read that as CRACK)
Publish Date: 10/29/2002 to 1/5/2003
Disclaimer: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I do not own DBZ.



When Weber announced that everyone needed to take out the piece called In the Beginning, all the students began rummaging around in their folders, and eventually pulled out a thick piece of music. Half the students had old, worn copies of an undetermined beige color, often with the covers missing or falling off; the other half had brand new copies with laminated covers and crisp pages.

The Z gang figured that it would be much easier to just go along with everyone else and made their way over to the cabinet to secure binders for themselves. Then they pulled out the music, just like everyone else, and stared at it in confusion.

"Okay, our soloist doesn’t have a voice," Weber shot a sad glance at a dark-haired girl in the front row of the soprano section, who was jumping up and down in frustration. "So we’ll just do our best to cover for her, okay?"

"Don’t worry about it," someone in the back spoke up. "It’s handled."

Mr. Weber looked confused, but just shrugged and counted off the song.

A gorgeous soprano voice came from the back row. Everyone whirled around to stare at Piccolo, who was singing in a clear, beautiful falsetto. "In the beginning..."

Slowly, as everyone managed to reattach their jaws to their faces, the other voices joined in. After a few pages, Vegeta took over the solo in an equally lovely soprano.

Halfway through, around page thirty-two (out of fifty-six—it’s a long song), Videl started shaking her head, a look of intense frustration and confusion on her face. "Wait, what’s up with this? What are they talking about? God made the firmament and the waters? Seed bearing fruit? What the hell is this?"

Weber looked at Videl as if she’d grown wings, horns, and a tail. "What do you mean ‘what is this?’ It’s the Bible!"

"What’s a Bible?" she demanded, jabbing a finger at the music. "This doesn’t make any sense!"

To her surprise, he began to laugh. "You don’t know what the Bible is?!?" When she nodded, he laughed even harder. "Oooo, look at Miss Tough Girl!" Thus, he began mocking Videl’s confusion.

Goku shot a glance at Gohan. The demi-Saiyan’s eyes were rapidly flashing from black to green. Needless to say, this somewhat worried Goku.

"Hey! You leave my future daughter-in-law alone!" ChiChi yelled at him.

"Yeah, back off, buddy!" Bulma chimed in, brandishing her frying pan threateningly, completely forgetting that they were in a public school where such things were not allowed.

The director’s eyes came to rest on the two furious women standing amidst the second altos. Apparently, he noticed something else, because he then said to Bulma, "Hey...don’t you think you’re a little old to be in high school?"

Had he known Bulma better and seen that particular look on her face, he would have run screaming as fast as he could in the other direction. In the back row, where the three stone-faced ones (Piccolo, Adam, and Vegeta) were sitting, the sound of snickering could be heard. Namely, Vegeta.

Then Weber turned to ChiChi, who was enraged. "Uh, why are you glowing?"

Indeed, Son ChiChi had managed to surround herself with a fierce red aura. She looked just short of demonic. And it only got more interesting when she reached into her trusty astral pocket and pulled out one of her many handy dandy weapons. Apparently she had also forgotten that machine guns are not allowed in public schools. Or perhaps she remembered, but she just didn’t care as she chased the hapless choir director screaming out of the room.

The minute they were gone, the room burst into a lively buzz of conversation. They’d all seen a lot of stuff happen in the choir department—it was a magnet for the unexpected—but nothing like this! And there was a big difference between throwing Mr. Weber into the hotel swimming pool after winning a show choir competition, and chasing him down with a semiautomatic!

The Z senshi just looked around for a while, than noticed that Candyland and Fred the Mutant Pickle had tiptoed out the door. They quickly followed suit.

Outside in the hallway, the two teenage authors were pretty much desperate. "What do we do, Freddie? I’m at a loss! And it’s been like this all day!"

"Don’t worry, we’ll think of something," Fred sighed with a shake of the head. "Hey, why don’t you just take them home with you?"

"But—" Candyland started to protest, but Fred interrupted her.

"I’ll talk to Kathy, and see if she can go over to your house after school to help you out," Fred leaned against the wall with folded arms. "She’s smart, she knows the show, and she knows fanfics. Between the two of you, handling those guys should be a piece of cake."

"Okay. It’s a plan," Candyland assented, then cast a glare over her shoulder at ChiChi, who was strolling casually back down in the hallway, the gun returned to its dimensional pocket for safekeeping. The other members of the gang had also filtered into the hallway. "You know what, guys? We’re going to my house. I’ve got a friend who’ll be over in a while to help us out. And if you do anything else to ruin my life, I will not be responsible for what I do to you in my next fic!"

With those angry words, the author turned on her heel and marched out the door. Everyone straggled along behind her.