Fandom: Dragonball Z
Genre: Humor (read that as CRACK)
Publish Date: 10/29/2002 to 1/5/2003
Disclaimer: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I do not own DBZ.
"Quick, I gotta do something!" Candyland groaned. They’d moved off-stage so that they could practice the entrance, and the author was frantically conversing with the only other person in the show choir who really knew what the HFIL was going on. "I can’t believe he paired me with Piccolo! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like Piccolo just fine and everything, but...geez, he just doesn’t strike me as the show choir type! You know what I mean!"
"Yeah, I know," Kathy replied, handing her friend a piece of paper and a pen. "But we can’t do anything about it right now. Just write something to make sure we all survive!"
"Okay, okay...um..." Candyland tapped the pen against her chin as she thought, and then began writing. Kathy leaned over and read over her shoulder, nodding with agreement.
Candyland paused for a moment, then wrote down one more thing, and Kathy began to laugh. "That’s perfect! It’ll make this much more enjoyable anyway!"
"Okay, let’s get started," Weber called from the audience. "Places! Stand up straight! Arms at your sides! Chin up!"
Candyland stepped into place next to Piccolo, who strangely enough knew exactly what to do. She leaned over and whispered, "You’ll be fine. I wrote that you all knew the routines and stuff. Since I wrote you here in the first place, it’ll work."
The Namekian nodded, but did not reply.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the Headliners!" Weber called, using his patented announcer voice.
Across the room, Vegeta could be seen quite clearly, rolling his eyes.
The show choir mounted the risers and hit the opening position; drum clicks sounded, setting the tempo, and the music began from the band standing behind the risers. The men sang first.
SEE THE MOON SLINK DOWN IN THE SKY, DARLING
LET YOUR FANTASIES FLY, DARLING
LIFE IS COLD
AND THE GAME IS OLD
Then the women took over on the next verse.
JUST SEE HOW VIRTUE REPAYS YOU
YOU TURN AND SOMEONE BETRAYS YOU
BETRAY HIM FIRST
AND THE GAME’S REVERSED
All voices joined in then.
FOR WE ALL ARE CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE
OF ONE LONG, TREACHEROUS RIDDLE
CAN I TRUST YOU?
SHOULD YOU TRUST ME TOO?
It was about that point when the redheaded girl Vegeta had been dancing with stopped and glared at him angrily. Why wouldn’t this guy do the freakin’ dances? He stopped and glared right back at her. Didn’t this girl have any idea who she was dealing with?
Bulma paused in her dancing long enough to slip the angered teenager the treasured frying pan and whisper what to do with it. Sarah hesitated for a minute, then grinned and swung the cast-iron cooking implement at the Saiyan’s head with speed that would have made any Saiyan warrior proud. The Prince grabbed the offended spot on his skull, and stormed off the stage in anger, roaring that no one treated the Prince of the Saiyans that way, and vowing many long, painful deaths to everyone.
About that same time, Videl got fed up with Austin trying to hit on her. She whirled around with an outstretched fist and made contact with Austin’s nose. He went flying off the back riser and landed hard on the floor. So Austin died again.
Later on in the song, Candyland finally lost it. "Piccolo! You have to dance!"
"I do NOT dance!" the Namekian yelled back. He was rewarded with a slap on the head with ChiChi’s frying pan. The force of the blow sent Piccolo flying off the risers and onto the cement floor of the wings. He rolled over and sat up, rubbing his injured head. Candyland gave Piccolo a smirk worthy of Vegeta, returned the offending weapon to ChiChi, and resumed the dancing as they finished the opener.
SO WE STAY ON OUR GUARD
WHAT’S BEHIND THE FACADE
LOOK BEHIND THE FACADE!
The various parents and friends assembled in the audience applauded, though a bit hesitantly. In the course of one three minute number, they had seen two people get whacked with frying pans. Even more shocking was the fact that both of those people had gotten right back up again, seemingly uninjured.
Four loud clanks were heard from the back as Matt, drummer extraoridinaire, began beating on various springs and car parts hanging beside his drum set. ChiChi’s dance partner, Michael, stepped up to a microphone and began singing.
SEE MY PEOPLE, WELL HERE’S MY THEORY
OF WHAT THIS COUNTRY IS MOVING TOWARD
EVERY WORKER, A COG IN MOTION
WELL THAT’S THE NOTION OF HENRY FORD!
The choir danced and sang, bouncing along through the number. Vegeta and Piccolo had been dragged back onto the stage, and were grudgingly going along with everyone else. When they hit the ending chord and struck the ending pose, Saiyan and Namekian both could have done jigs of joy because their torture was over, but to their dismay, the piano started playing a lovely, slow melody.
The girls all slowly moved off the stage and back into two strange little rooms formed by curtains hanging from a wooden frame. ChiChi, Bulma, and Videl followed, opting to stand outside the changing stations and wait for the others to come back out.
On stage, a girl was singing a solo, and the men were standing still, facing the back of the stage, and pulling off their blue ascots. Inside the changing stations, the girls were getting rid of their blue skirts and shoulderpieces and letting their black skirts hang to their full length. When the young women stepped back out and onto the risers, the three DBZ characters joined them.
‘CAUSE IN VIENNA, WE WERE POETRY
YES, IN VIENNA, LOVE WAS ALIVE
WATCHING YOU WATCHING ME
ALL THAT OUR EYES COULD SEE
ALL OF THE NIGHTS WE CHASED
INTO THE DAWN
IT WAS THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE
Surprisingly, the song was fairly uneventful until the big dance break. The band took over, and about half the guys picked up their partners into a shoulder lift—that is, the girls were sitting on the guy’s shoulder. That was when a few problems hit.
A scream was heard, and eyes flew to stare at Kelsey, who was being carried around by Trunks. He was holding her over his head one-handed, and she was yelling her head off.
Gohan picked up Sarah, his partner, just like all the other guys. When she got up to the level of his shoulder, she shrieked, "WHOA! TALL!" From there, she wrapped her arms around his neck, cutting off most of his oxygen supply. He eventually managed to pry her off his neck, and set her down safely on the floor. She looked at him through wide eyes. "You’re too tall! Oh my God!!"
Meanwhile, Goku was having a slightly different problem. He went into the lift as well, but as with the flag that morning, he put a little too much force behind it, and his partner...well, Laura kind of went through the ceiling...the half of the group that wasn’t in a lift stopped dead in their tracks and stared at the big hole in the very high ceiling. It had to be at least thirty feet to the top of the room, and she’d gone right through!
Goku rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. "Oops!"
Things pretty much went on in that same vein for the rest of the show. ChiChi and Bulma got very fed up with their partners’ attitudes, and proceeded to knock out both Mike and John. There were a few more frying pan attacks, and Austin was still dead. By the end of the run-through, Candyland was about ready to cry.
Why didn’t I write in that they got through it without a mishap? Why, why, why?!? she wondered, plopping down on the risers and putting her face in her hands while she waited for Weber to make comments on the run-through. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear those comments. Lifting her head, she sighed and watched Calla try to untangled the fringe that adorned the bottom of her red sequined dress from the chain that was hanging out of her partner’s pocket. The closer was "Forty-Second Street," so they were going for the flapper look.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the stage, Goten was making what was to him a very frightening discovery concerning his dance partner, Lauren.
When the show finished, the girl he’d been working quite nicely with stumbled off the riser and backstage, where she felt around for a while until her hands connected with a wooden stool. On that stool were a folder and a strange white thing. Lauren picked up the white thing and unfolded it into what looked like a long stick with a long red segment on the end. She grabbed the folder and wandered back over to sit on the riser, where she opened the folder and pulled out some very odd paper.
Goten tapped her on the shoulder. "’Scuse me, but why do you have that white stick? And why does your paper have all those little bumps on it?"
"Those little bumps are called Braille. It’s how I read," Lauren replied patiently. "And I use that cane to help me get around. I’m blind."
"Oh," Goten said. "What’s blind?"
"It means I can’t see," Lauren said cheerfully.
"But your eyes are open!" Goten cried indignantly.
"Yes, but I can’t see anything out of them."
"Can you see me?" the chibi began dancing around.
Lauren shook her head. "No."
Goten stopped dancing and thought for a minute. Then he picked her up and carried her over to where Gohan was apologizing to his partner for being tall. "Can you see big brother?"
She shook her head again. "No."
"You can’t see anything?" Goten looked stricken as he set her back down where she’d been sitting before. It was a completely foreign concept to the child.
"No, I can’t."
Goten started to cry. "That’s so sad! Why can’t you see?"
Lauren felt bad. "It’s not that bad. I’ve been blind since birth, so I’ve always lived with it."
The chibi sniffled. "But you can’t see me!"
"Yes I can. Here...like this..." she held out her hands, felt around for a minute before her fingers found Goten’s hair. She felt his hair, and down his face. "Oh...you’re so cute!"
Goten blushed. "Is that how you see?" he asked curiously.
"Yes," Lauren replied, relieved that he was cheering up. "I have to feel things to see them. And you are absolutely adorable."
The chibi beamed happily, then turned to call over to his older brother. "Hey Gohan! Come here!"
Gohan strolled over, having finished apologizing. "What’s up, squirt?"
"She can’t see with her eyes," Goten said importantly. "She sees with her hands."
"I’m blind," Lauren supplied.
At that moment, Candyland walked over. "Hey, chica. I’m going crazy."
"Heh, I thought you were already there," Lauren answered teasingly. "So what’s up?"
"Laura [censored last name] went through the ceiling," the author commented.
"What?!?" Lauren asked in disbelief. "Uh-uh, no way."
"Yes way. And judging from the look on Weber’s face, I think practice might get called early, which doesn’t bother me one little bit."
Sure enough, a slightly freaked-out Weber announced that practice was over. As he made the announcement, he glanced warily at the Z senshi. Candyland, Lauren, and Kathy strolled out to change out of the red dresses into normal street clothes so they could head home to whatever else the night would bring. With the entire cast of DBZ wandering around in an Iowa high school, nearly anything was possible!