Fandom: Dragonball Z
Genre: Humor (read that as CRACK)
Publish Date: 10/29/2002 to 1/5/2003
Disclaimer: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I do not own DBZ.
"Why are we going to the backyard?" Trunks asked as they passed through the gate in the chain-link fence to enter the wide expanse of grass. He was still stirring the remnants of his Moutain Dew Freeze at the bottom of the plastic cup.
"Because I don’t have any other place to put you guys," Candyland replied. "You’re anime characters, written into this world by a weird little twist of fate. You’re not real in this world. Therefore, logic says that this shouldn’t be too hard on you. I hope." She had a key chain made up of a long, black spring in her hand, and was twirling it lazily around her index finger.
"Your logic is less than comforting," Vegeta growled. He was still upset over everything that had happened earlier, especially that annoying brat of a teenager who had tried to pet him. He’d blown that kid to smithereens! He knew he had! So how the HFIL had that brat managed to end up alive, well, and Videl’s dance partner? It just wasn’t possible! The Saiyan Prince was very put-out about that pesky kid, but no worry. Vegeta was busy planning the many, many ways he would get that brat...next time...
"Vegeta, do me a favor," the author turned her head and called back over her shoulder.
She got an angry grunt in reply, and she ignored it as they reached their destination.
"Umm, what’s with the shed?" Krillen asked, tilting his head to one side.
Candyland unlocked it with the key she’d brought down, and pushed the door open. "Sorry for the conditions, guys, but you get to sleep here tonight." As they all began to protest, she held up a hand. "I’m sorry, but there’s no place else for me to put you! Besides, you should feel very, very fortunate."
"Why?" Bulma snapped, completely forgetting that they were supposed to be as civilized as possible around the only person who could put them back in their own world.
"Be thankful it’s not winter," the teenager’s eyes sparkled. "Don’t you know about Iowa winters? They’re probably some of the worst in the country. It gets really cold, and there’s always snow, and lots and lots of ice, and howling wind, and—"
"Okay, we get the point!" Piccolo growled angrily. Not that spending the night in a storage shed in some crazy teenager fanfiction author’s backyard really bothered him. He didn’t need to sleep. But it was the principle of the thing!
"Calm down, Pic," Candyland said cheerfully. "Now, you guys had better get in here fast, before my parents realize I’m down here."
Suddenly, something small and green scurried down and ended up standing beside Candyland’s leg. The little green thing looked at all of them through glowing red eyes, and whistled softly.
Vegeta’s jaw dropped. "That’s...a...Saibaman!"
Nearby, Krillen was equally stunned. "Where on Earth did you get that?"
"Simple. It’s my pet. I wrote it up," the author replied matter-of-factly, patting the Saibaman’s head. "His name is Kiwi."
"Kiwi?" they all echoed incredulously, except for Goku who was just staring at the little green alien in perplexed fascination.
"Yup. Kiwi," Candyland repeated proudly.
Goten and Trunks tiptoed forward to better examine this strange creature. "What is it?" Goten asked, staring at the Saibaman in a manner very similar to his father’s—wide-eyed, fascinated, and completely bewildered.
"I don’t know...but everyone else seems to," Trunks said slowly, extending a hand to try and poke the tiny little green being. Kiwi wasn’t amused, though, and jumped back, whistling shrilly at the chibi. "Uh...hey!" Trunks yelped as the Saibaman opened his mouth to reveal many sharp, pointy teeth, and tried to bite the kid’s finger. Growling in anger, the chibi attacked Kiwi.
Not one to be left out, Goten followed suit. "Hey! Lemme in!"
And so it came to pass that the three small ones—two demi-Saiyan chibis and one very peeved Saibaman—ended up in one big brawl, rolling around on the ground. That lasted for all of five seconds before mothers and pet-owners descended on the fight with a vengeance.
Bulma and ChiChi pulled their sons apart and away from the Saibaman, and the two chibis got a vehement lecture on behaving like civilized people in public. Nearby, Goku and Vegeta found the whole situation to be quite amusing, much to the displeasure of their respective mates. The children didn’t seem to appreciate the talking-to they were getting at all, and responded with something akin to defiance.
In the meantime, Candyland was delivering a scathing reprimand to her pet Saibaman. Kiwi was much more apologetic then the children (AN: because I raised him right!), but he kept glaring at Goten and Trunks with angry red eyes. Goten and Trunks glared right back. Both parties seemed to be saying the exact same thing: rematch, later, when no one is around—I’ll get you then.
After that whole episode was sorted out (and the involved parties were still shooting each other evil glances), the Z senshi were essentially herded into the shed for the night. Surprisingly, after the initial shock died down, there was very little complaining about the accomodations.
"I’ll be leaving the door unlocked for you because although I’m desperate at the moment, I’m not cruel," Candyland announced. "Oh, and because I do still happen to be desperate, I have a few new threats I’d like to introduce you to right now." She leaned forward and whispered to the Z senshi for about thirty seconds, then straightened up and smiled at them. "Good night." Then she pushed the doors closed, leaving a very frightened group of anime characters sitting in semi-darkness.
It was a wide-eyed Bulma that broke the silence first, repeating Candyland’s threats, threats which had been borne of sheer desperation. "No...more...computers?"
Vegeta was next. "No...more...gravity...room?"
Piccolo spoke after that. "No...more...water?"
Then Goku gulped in fear. "No...more...food?"