Fandom: Detective Conan
Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan. But I do have homemade hand-puppets for each character...that's normal, right?
And so our heroes continue on their adventure. This makes sense, because a story should usually follow the heroes. If it didn’t, it would probably just follow some random guy, and that would not be very interesting. So if you want to read the Adventures of Random Guy, sorry to disappoint you, but you’ll have to look elsewhere. We’ll be sticking with our heroes. This has been a Public Service Announcement.
The plan had been so simple. Leave Tropical Land. Go to Shinichi’s house to find something for Heiji to borrow because while Ran’s fashion sense was fairly nice, somehow no one truly thought that there would be anything in her closet that Heiji would actually want to wear. Take things to the Mouri Detective Agency. Change. Find something else to keep them all entertained for a while.
Simple and effective.
Unfortunately, Murphy’s Law didn’t feel like it had messed with them enough for one day, and so left them a surprise. The first part of the whole plan went along just fine, and Heiji found something in Shinichi’s wardrobe that he deemed ‘not terrible,’ earning himself a very rude hand gesture from the owner of the clothing, but there was a big shock waiting for them when they walked into the upstairs part of the Agency, where Conan and the Mouri family made their home.
Heiji ate a candy bar, then realized that he should probably also be staring. He didn’t like being left out.
The entire place was trashed, from wall to wall and floor to ceiling. Newspapers, dishes, random things that Ran was sure she had never before seen in their household, all now carpeting the floor of their home. The mess was strewn from the very back corner of the kitchen all the way to the doorway where they now all stood; there was an arc in the mess that had been made by them opening the door to enter, thus pushing a whole lot of garbage away and towards the wall.
And sitting on the floor in the only other vacant spot, right beside the table, was Mouri Kogoro himself. He was plopped there, cross-legged, holding something in his hand, and looking rather glum.
Ran looked at Shinichi.
Shinichi looked at Ran.
Heiji was more distracted by trying to figure out how the chess piece had gotten stuck to the ceiling.
Finally, Shinichi opened his mouth to ask the Scary Question. “D-Dad?” he said, remembering that he was Ran at the moment and thus that made Kogoro her (his?) father, which was easily one of the scariest thoughts Shinichi had entertained in quite some time.
“Hmm?” he grunted.
“What in the world did you do?”
“Made lunch,” Kogoro said absently.
Another disbelieving glance was passed between the two swapped teenagers. Heiji had abandoned the chess piece for the moment and was now wondering how in the hell a copy of Twilight had gotten glued to the light fixture like that…or indeed why Mouri Ran had a copy of Twilight in the first place.
(The possibility that it could be anyone else’s did not occur to Heiji. This was probably a point in his favor, as asking too many questions might have resulted in an answer that would have made his poor brain explode. Or it might have been exactly what he thought. The world will never know.)
“Okay, Dad,” Shinichi went on slowly, suddenly very certain that he was not going to like the answer he would get in response to his next question. “What exactly did you make for lunch?”
Kogoro held up a small white cup. “Instant ramen.”
After Kogoro had been forcibly removed from the house by virtue of screams, threats, and a few thrown things (and it was to the man’s credit that he had managed to make his way out by wading through the mess he had left on the floor), the three teenagers set to the task of cleaning it up. Ran refused to allow her father to try, saying that he would make things even worse.
First they changed clothes, which was an exercise in awkwardness and nervousness and insistence that absolutely no peeking had taken place. Then they set about reordering the living space.
As they dove in, though, Ran was amazed to find things that she was quite sure they did not own buried in the mess. Where in the world had her father found these things? Then she remembered that she had never quite been able to bring herself to get the space under the sink, and so decided that the strange potato-like monster she had found living there could just bloody well stay there.
The Silver Imperium Crystal, however, she was having a much harder time explaining away. And she wasn’t even going to try and figure out how the mother loving TARDIS got into the stove. That was just too much for her to handle on top of everything else that day.
To their credit, the boys didn’t complain about anything, including having to help clean up the mess. Whether that was out of a genuine good will and compassion, or the fact that they were simply afraid of her, she did not know and she did not care. Help was help.
They managed to make it as fun as could be expected. Shinichi was having fun kicking the non-breakable things towards Heiji so the latter could put them up on the shelf, though that game came perilously close to ending when a book hit Heiji’s shin hard enough to bruise.
Ran lectured Shinichi.
And found Heiji an ice pack in the debris.
They then switched to the time-honored tradition of playing basketball with wadded up bits of paper in lieu of a ball, and a garbage can instead of a basket. That game went along fairly well until an errant staple decided to imprint itself in Shinichi’s head while he was holding the basket and Heiji was taking the shot. Heiji apparently had not noticed the staple until there was blood running down a face that technically belonged to Ran.
Ran lectured Heiji.
And gave Shinichi a bandage for his forehead.
Then Ran picked up a box that she believed to be a great deal lighter than it actually was, and managed to send herself flying backwards. She crashed into Heiji’s knees, which knocked him into Shinichi, sending the both of them crashing to the floor in a tangle of limbs. She was not sure if their lips brushed or not; she didn’t get to see before they both flew apart, though she personally felt that it was a very pretty mental image.
Shinichi and Heiji lectured Ran.
And neither would look directly at each other.
Then, once the rest of the room was tidied, each of them grabbed a garbage bag and started walking down the stairs to take them to the dumpster. By some miracle (or perhaps an imp of the perverse, or maybe even just good ol’ Murphy’s Law), all three of the bags managed to split halfway down the stairs, sending a shower of debris down the stairs. It was trash, trash, trash, as far as the eye could see.
They all lectured each other.
And went to find more garbage bags.
All things considered, when Ran had made this little wish, she had not exactly considered…well, she had not really considered that it would even come true in the first place. But on the off-chance that it did, and just so happened to come true in the precise way that it had, spending an hour cleaning up the absolute disaster area her father had made of their living quarters was certainly not how she had envisioned spending that day.
And she still had absolutely no idea what to do with the Shikkon no Tama she had found in the sink, or the Keyblade she had found somehow stashed away in the broom closet.
“If Dad ever touches that kitchen again, I’m going to do something to him in his sleep, I swear,” Ran murmured as the line moved ahead another person. She shuffled along automatically, still making quiet promises under her breath. “Do such a good job that even you two won’t be able to figure it out.”
Shinichi glanced warily at Heiji. “You know, if there was anyone who could get away with murder, it would be her. Look at how much time she spends on cases. Look at who she hangs out with! The only people more likely to get away with murder are us.”
“If either of us goes crazy, the world is in trouble,” Heiji replied. “…you like me, right?”
“When I eventually snap and conquer the world, you will have a place in my government,” Shinichi replied airily with a dismissive wave of his hand. “But at the first sign of civil disobedience, you will be charged with treason and put to death.”
Heiji laughed. Closer to the ground, Ran was still planning her father’s demise. Just in case.
The line inched forward person by person until it was finally their turn to purchase their tickets. They received yet another compliment about what a cute couple they were. Shinichi decided to have fun with it and thanked the lady at the ticket counter before grabbing onto Heiji’s arm with a big smile. Heiji did not recover from this enough to react until they were past the concession stand.
Said reaction was not exactly a verbal one, but it made his movie-going companions laugh.
All in all, Shinichi wasn’t terribly thrilled about their choice, but it had gotten some wonderful reviews, and Ran really seemed to want to see it. She said Sonoko had absolutely adored it, although Sonoko’s taste tended towards the questionable on a good day. Still, he was not completely sure that he’d be able to bring himself to enjoy MAGIC KAITO THE MOVIE: THE OBLIGATORY CAMEO.
But eh, it was worth a try.
The movie theater was about three-fourths full. Most of the seats were occupied by young women, who were giggling and squealing and in the case of a few sitting near the back, muttering something about plunnies. Whatever those were.
When the movie began, the theater quieted down quickly, and within a few minutes everyone was engrossed in the film. Shinichi found himself watching it rather intently. The story was sort of half-baked, he personally thought, but hey, it was fiction, standard rules did not apply. He was a bit curious about one of the characters: a teenaged detective, blonde, of both Japanese and European descent.
It sounded strangely like someone Shinichi had actually met before.
…eh, it probably wasn’t important. Banishing the thought, he went back to the movie.
As the film was nearing its conclusion, Shinichi suddenly felt a weight on his arm. He glanced down, and couldn’t keep himself from grinning. “Psst, Hattori,” he whispered before moving his head so as to gesture to the seat between them. “Take a look at this…”
Apparently the effects of Ran’s new compact body ran deeper than he thought. Small children tended to get tired at odd moments, after all. And Ran was sound asleep, having tilted over sideways far enough for her head to be resting on Shinichi’s arm. Which was technically Ran’s own arm, he supposed, but when he started thinking about the situation like that, his brain started to hurt.
“Aww, how cute,” Heiji half-snickered. “Practicing for the wedding night or what?”
“I think that’s a felony,” Shinichi replied dryly. “So let’s just keep me away from myself, okay?”
“…how do age of consent laws apply in this situation? You’re both technically legal.”
“We are not having this discussion. That is final.”
“You’re thinking about it right now, aren’t you?”
“Hattori, shut up.”
“That was a good movie,” Ran commented, stretching her arms over her head.
“Says the kid who slept through almost the entire thing,” Shinichi replied dryly, ignoring the scathing look he got in response. “But yeah, it wasn’t bad or anything.”
“You know, Shinichi, I bet if we made your story into a book or movie or something, we could make a fortune!” she said with a grin. “The whole Conan thing, I mean! Wouldn’t it make for a great plot?”
“Neechan, I hate to break it to you, but—“
“Hattori, be quiet and let her dream—”
“But we’re already in a manga, aren’t we?”
Before Heiji knew what was happening, both Shinichi and Ran had rushed forward and were physically supporting the fourth wall, which upon Heiji’s comment had fractured to the point of starting to collapse in on itself. They were holding it up with all their strength as it loomed in danger of crashing down onto the sidewalk, thereby ending life as they knew it…or at least allowing passersby to see that they had a surprisingly large audience.
Shinichi shot Heiji a glare. “Don’t just stand there, you idiot! Find something to fix it! Hurry!”
They managed to repair things in time (where Heiji had pulled that duct tape from, the world was probably better off not knowing) and were on their way, hoping that no one noticed the big gray strips of tape across the sidewalk. They walked quickly; distance was good. Distance was their friend. And Hattori was an idiot, but that was something they all knew already anyway.
There was a loud bang nearby, making all three jump. Heiji and Shinichi glanced off to the side, suspicion written in their eyes. That had almost sounded like a…
Ran spoke up quickly. “Was probably just a truck backfiring or something.”
They were nearing the Mouri home once again. The sun was just beginning to make its downward arch across the sky, but it was still a good few hours until nightfall. There was still a fair amount of time left before Ran’s wish ended and they switched back, or so they hoped.
Just for a day.
What a day it had turned out to be.
And most amazingly of all, nothing had gone wrong! Well, save for the whole switching thing and Ran finding out about Conan and Shinichi’s shopping trip with Sonoko and the children being determined to dump Ran in a mud puddle and Heiji’s ditching of Kazuha and the whole amusement park thing and her father’s utter lack of respect for the kitchen—
…okay, pretty much everything had gone wrong today, but it didn’t seem to matter! Because as far as Ran concerned, the world could go to hell in a handbasket with a pretty pink bow tied on it, and she would be all peaches and cream so long as there wasn’t a single—
There was another loud bang, identical to the first one. And a loud scream split the air around them.
Shinichi whipped around.
Heiji whipped around.
Ran whipped around.
A cat peeked out from behind a garbage can across the street and said “LOL WUT?”
Ran’s heart sank. She knew that particular scream. That was the ‘I just found a body’ scream. It tended to symbolize the end of relaxation and enjoyment in her world, and she was bloody well sick of it. But such was the life of a girl who had somehow managed to surround herself on all sides with police and detectives. She could only imagine what it would be like when she inevitably married one.
…and that was a train of thought she was not going to pursue any further.
There wasn’t a great deal of time to think it over, really. Shinichi and Heiji were already running towards the sound. Ran sighed and gave chase, still trying to figure out exactly why they felt the need to run at the dead bodies. Most people would run away.
Finding the source of the disturbance wasn’t that hard. A man had stumbled out of a house half a block from where they had been standing. He was running around and raving and screaming for help, nearly hysterical. “He killed my wife! He murdered my wife! Oh god, I think I killed him!”
“Call the police,” Shinichi whispered, but Ran already had a phone in her hand. The boys headed up the stairs, leaving the man curled on his front lawn. Sure enough, there were two bodies on the dining room floor, a man and a woman. Two bloody weapons lay on the floor: a hammer and a gun.
The two stood there, staring at the scene with their usual scrutiny, already absorbing every detail they could. Between what the room itself told them and the histrionics of the man who apparently lived here and who had witnessed or taken part in this, there was no doubt about it at all.
This was a murder scene.
PS. Figures that the first time I actually attempt to write a murder case it would be in the middle of a bleeping humor fic. We’ll see how well I do, though. I have it fairly well planned out, so it’ll just be a matter of trying to write it well. Wish me luck!
The scene with the fourth wall being duct-taped is one of the first ideas I had for this fic, and yes, there was a cameo by a lolcat. There were also references to Goosebumps, Sailor Moon, Kingdom Hearts, Inuyasha, and Doctor Who (which I have never actually watched, though Torchwood is merrily devouring my soul). I like to pretend I’m funny sometimes, don’tcha know
Thanks for reading, all! Much love!