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07 April 2007 @ 09:27 pm
In Which Double Meanings Abound (DC)  
Title: In Which Double Meanings Abound
Fandom: Detective Conan
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor
Publish Date: 9/24/2005 through 12/24/2006 (in Short Stack Stories)
Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan. But I do have homemade hand-puppets for each character...that's normal, right?

Hakuba glanced at the clock, looking uncharacteristically wistful. His stomach growled then, and his expression turned to vague chagrin. It was the last class before mealtime, but class hadn’t started yet, so everyone was just lounging around a bit.

“Not lunchtime yet…” Kaito sighed from his perch on Hakuba’s desk.

“Hmmm…” the British detective murmured.

“You could eat something now,” Kaito piped brightly.

Nearby, Aoko and Akako watched the proceedings with vague interest.

“What would I eat?” Hakuba muttered darkly, shooting another look at the clock.

Kaito thought about it for a minute. “You could eat me!”

There was an audible TWANG as Hakuba’s spine snapped to rigid attention; he was now bolt-upright in his desk chair. He turned slowly, neck creaking every inch of the way, to give Kaito a horrified look. “I know I misheard that.”

“No, you didn’t,” Kaito chirped, swinging his legs over the edge of Hakuba’s desk and leaning his weight back on his hands so he could look up at the ceiling. “I said you could eat me. ‘Cause I’m sweet!”

Hakuba swallowed. “I beg your pardon, but—“

“No, seriously!” Kaito cheered unabashedly. “I’m cute and sweet. I know I’d taste good.”

Akako leaned over Hakuba’s shoulder and leered. “You know, I’m not touching the subtext of this conversation with the proverbial ten-foot pole.” Hakuba expertly ignored the underlying implication.

Hakuba shook his head. “I refuse to have any part in this.”

Kaito’s unapologetic grin grew a little wider. “Oh, come on—just try a finger.”

Hakuba was out of his desk and out the door fast enough to break the sound barrier. Akako vaguely heard him mumble something that sounded suspiciously like “bathroom.”

All eyes swung to Kaito.

Kaito looked right back, the very picture of blamelessness. He smiled innocently. “What?”