Candyland (candyfics) wrote,

Pants, or Something Like Them (DC)

Title: Pants, or Something Like Them
Fandom: Detective Conan
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor
Publish Date: 9/24/2005 through 12/24/2006 (in Short Stack Stories)
Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan. But I do have homemade hand-puppets for each character...that's normal, right?

Maybe he shouldn’t have done that, Conan reflected.

…okay, he really shouldn’t have done that. But it was just too great of an opportunity to pass up.

And Hattori had it coming. He truly did.

His friendly rival had shown up rather unexpectedly (with Kazuha in tow, of course). And now they were all standing in the middle of Mouri’s office, talking. Or arguing, as the case may be.

And no one seemed to be paying any attention at all to the small child sitting behind the desk.

Conan growled. Stupid Hattori. Could at least say hello or something…

Now thoroughly bored, he opened the top drawer of Kogoro’s desk, hoping to find the Idiot’s hidden stash (…of candy) for something to occupy himself. And somehow—he wasn’t quite sure how—but somehow, he’d found himself with an Exacto knife in his hot little hands. It was just staring at him, almost saying Use me! Use me!

He turned his head. Hattori was standing right there, his back to his chibified friend.

Conan shook his head rapidly. No, he couldn’t do that. There was no way he could do that to Hattori! That would be horrible, irresponsible, and undeniably childish.

…right. And he was a child, wasn’t he? And besides, he had to get an early start if he was going to get back at Hattori for everything he’d had to endure, from the height cracks to the constant screw-ups concerning his freakin’ name…yes, Hattori had this coming. He totally deserved it.

Tiptoeing as quietly as possible on sneakered feet, he crept towards his friend, who was alternating between chatting with Ran and arguing with Kazuha. No one seemed to notice him. He got right behind them, and inwardly growled—how dare they not even acknowledge that he was there! The smile on his face was only slightly psychotic as he raised the blade…


There was a tearing sound as the blade sliced through the fabric. After that, one little yank was all it took. And Heiji suddenly felt a draft.

Three pairs of teenaged eyes dropped.

Ran immediately covered her eyes. Kazuha…not so much. She just sort of stared.

She stared a lot.

It took Heiji a minute to register exactly what had happened—being a brilliant detective and all. Then he realized that his pants were currently residing around his ankles, and a small bespectacled boy was standing behind him, radiating false innocence.

And then it clicked. And Hattori got very, very angry.

Apparently, he didn’t like being pantsed.

Kazuha was still staring.

So now Conan was fleeing as fast as his short little legs would carry him while the irate Osakan chased him, swinging a katana at his head and screaming things that were unintelligible at best and downright unprintable at worst.

But there were a couple more things that plagued Conan as he ran for his life.

First of all, he realized that maybe he had been spending too much time around his young friends. Because this whole thing seemed absolutely hilarious, death threats aside. And secondly...

Aside from the fact that Hattori was currently not wearing pants (*snicker*), the scariest thing was that he had absolutely no idea where Hattori had pulled that katana out from, anyway…

Tags: character: heiji, character: shinichi/conan, fandom: detective conan/magic kaito, misc: one-shot

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