Candyland (candyfics) wrote,

Will I Ever Know? (DBZ)

Title: Will I Ever Know?
Fandom: Dragonball Z
Rating: G
Genre: General--POV
Publish Date: 8/26/2002
Disclaimer: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I do not own DBZ.

The grass is sun-warmed beneath my back and the clouds are floating high in an azure sky. This is my hilltop, so to speak. I always come here to think. I’ve been thinking a lot lately.

It all started with an offhand comment by Vegeta, of all people. Bulma had invited us over for dinner; we’d just finished eating and were enjoying watching Goten and Trunks chase each other around. I commented to Vegeta that Trunks was a lot like him. To my surprise, he actually kind of chuckled and said, "Yes, he does. A Saiyan with purple hair and blue eyes…my father must be rolling over in his grave."

That comment got something going in my mind. His…father?

Growing up, I had my grandfather, and that was only because he took me in and adopted me. And he died when I was still young, trampled by that creature of the full moon. I never had a man that I actually called ‘Father’ or ‘Dad’, and it’s only now that I’m starting to realize that. Every boy needs a man to look up to, and who better then a father?

I wonder what he looked like. Do I look like him? Or maybe Radditz does? I don’t know, except that Frieza commented that I looked remarkably like a particular Saiyan. I think the name he said was Bardock, but I honestly can’t remember. Is this Bardock my father? Or could it even be another brother or something? I don’t know if I have any other brothers or sisters. The only Saiyan family I know of for certain is my older brother Radditz, and he wasn’t very forthcoming with information about my past.

So many important questions I may never get the answers to. Do I look like my father or my mother? Whose nose do I have? Where did I get this hair? These are all major questions! I almost wish we hadn’t had to kill Radditz. Maybe he could have provided answers, but it’s over and done with now. If wishes were tails, everyone would have one.

When I was a child, after my grandfather was killed, sometimes I would lie awake at night and make up parents. I would invent a past. It never worked out quite right though, because I’d never met anyone who had a tail like I did. But it was something. I envisioned a mother and a father somewhere, though I could never quite understand why they would have abandoned me.

Though I’d never admit it to him, I kind of envy Vegeta in that one respect. He knew his father. He told me once that he only faintly remembered his mother because she died when he was still very young, but he knew his father. He knows where he comes from. He knows his history. I don’t even have that small bit of comfort. On the other hand, I don’t have to contend with any possibly painful memories. But one thing I know I share with Vegeta, even though neither of us has ever admitted this—what could have been? What would have happened if Frieza had never come along? What if I’d never hit my head and lost my memory?

So many ‘what-if’s’, so few answers.

I already know one answer—if I hadn’t been the victim of severe amnesia, I would have destroyed this planet. I very much doubt that I would have ever been able to attain the level of Super Saiyan if I had remained on the planet Vegeta. And I never would have met any of the people that are most important to me now. Krillen, Bulma, Yamcha, Tien, Chaot-zu, Piccolo…or ChiChi. And if I’d never met ChiChi, I never would have had Gohan or Goten.

My thoughts linger on my younger son. He is so much like me it almost frightens me at times. And not just looks. He has my personality, my strength, and my…intelligence. Let’s face it, Goten and I aren’t the brightest crayons in the box. I’ll cheerfully admit it.

And Goten was born after I died. He grew up with only his older brother to look up to. And Gohan did an amazing job. I’d almost say he did a better job then I would have done. Goten grew up knowing me only through the stories he was told. He didn’t meet me until he was seven years old. Until then, he didn’t really know his father.

I have more in common with my younger son then anyone realizes.

But at least for him, most of the unanswered questions were laid to rest.

Will I ever know?



Tags: character: goku, fandom: dragonball/z, misc: one-shot

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